Grin for Thin

Hi Lovelies, Down 1.2kgs yay. Now I'mdone with work until the new year yay. Now I have to go home and prepare food and get house ready for the morning. Fucking kill me now. I'm not ready for Christmas. I mean I have bought everything I need but just not mentally ready. I am trying to stay under 800 cals today so hoepfully I have a nice Christmas present of more weight loss before I put more back on gah. Stupid perpetual cycles. Oh well its only once a year. Well thats me. Merry Christmas Lovelies! Stay safe and look after yourselves. Much Love JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, God I'm a loser. Yesterday at work was hell. So my first reaction was to comfort myself with shitty food all day. Today another 300 grams loss. Plus my stomach hurts like a mofo. Another huge hellish day today. If I can just get my shit together and try and lose 1kg in the next 2 days that will be something. Going to allow myself toast for breakfast today because I need to concentrate. I nearly make a $50k fuck up yesterday. FUCKKKKK I'M SO TIRED! Going  to spend most of Christmas napping I can tell. Yay how exciting for my family. It's fucked. I don't get paid enough for this shit. I was at work for nearly 12 hours yesterday. 10 the day before. Who knows what today will be. Well thats my whingefest done. Much Love  JB  xoxo

Hey Lovelies, Wtf the numbers keep going up. Up another 300 grams today. But how. How can I gain off 970cals. I look puffy amd gross so I'm hoping it is water weight. Still this is not the way I wanted to be heading into Christmas. I am supposed to be losing not gaining FUCK. I'm angry. I hate myself and I hate my body. I used to be scared of food now I just keep making excuses about wuy I can eat stuff. That needs to stop. 113kg or under by the 13th fatty. Well I better go and do the Chridtmas food shop online before I get to my station. Much Love , JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well the weekend was a disaster. Gained around a kg. It is annoying because I can't work out why I gained from Friday. I should have maintained but hained 300 grams. Same gain from Saturday but I was really active and was at 300 cals net at the end of the day. This mornings gain wasn't surprising. I cracked the shits and thought fuck it, not losing anyway and ate a pizza followed by 4 crumpets wuth butter and honey. Today is not great but at least I'll be under 1000. So happy there is only 3 days of work left. Still super busy. Working on Christmas Eve is shit. It will be 7pm by the time I get home. Plus I'll be tired and will have heaps to do before I get to go to bed gah. I'm  hoping we will finish early but not counting on it. I have set a new and realistic goal since it's silly season. I want to be under 113kgs by the 13th of Jan which is my Birthday. That's around 4 kgs. I should be able to do that. Well that is me. Much Love, JB...

Hi Lovelies, This week was a cluster fuck. My finances leading into Christmas suck. Work was hell this week. We all had a glass of wine this afternoon and then I bummed a smoke off my colleague. So paranoid my partner will find out and get shitty at me. Good news is that I lost. 1.5kgs sunce yesterday. This is amazing since we ate at a steak house where I consumed 1/2 of a 1/2 rack of pork ribs, 1/3 of a tbonesteak and half a plate of chips. I ended up around 1100 cals for the day. Tonight we will be eating crap food court food again as we are off to see Star Wars. Then tomorrow catching up with friends for lunch. So food all around gah. My aim today was to consume very little before tonight, but that has backfired as I am already at 500 cals. I wish I was like most of the girls at work that can eat what and when they want and not get fat. They eat like normal people. They eat until they are full then stop. I'm just all or nothing. At least I'm not the fattest at work. Pr...

Hi Lovelies, I'm laying on my bed dressed and ready to go but procrastinating. Only lost 200 grams. Fuck tried to eat healthy yesterday. 1200 cals mostly healthy besides the half a brownie and small spoon of ice cream we had for one of the girls at works birthday. Tgats it today has to be under 800cals. Im taking my own coffee in even if I have 4 coffees it will be only 52 cals opposed to the to the 2 cafe ones i fet whivh come in as 120cals. I can do it under the guise of saving money.  I need to get safely under 115kgs by Christmas. I would love to get out of the 110's come bew year but can't see that happening. I won't grad now til winter so come then I dont want to be shopping in plus size shops for my grad dress. Hopefully I can get down to a dress size 16 if not smaller. Ok I better go or I'll be late. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Stupid me. I made chocolate fudge the other night for date night. Of course I've been gorging and binging on it since then. I'm good all day then after dinner I start shovelling that in my mouth like theres no tomorrow. I lost 500 grams yesterday. Today I lost nothing. At least I didn't gain. I need to go back to making Bella's whipped jelly. Haven't gotten any sicker my body is trying to fight it off. Yay finally hump day. I just want the weekend. Then four more days of work then I am off for 10 days over the christmas break. I can't wait to stop and slow down. Get back into exercise. Study for this freaking exam. Well I'm going to read some blogs. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, I'm getting sick. Not good. I notoriously comfort eat when I'm sick. I don't want to use sick leave yet. Other news is that today should be around 800 cals. Going home to soup, panadol and bed. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, I wish I could stop being so excessive. Just because I gave myself a few days off the strict regime doesn't mean that I needed to eat everything. 2.8kgs gain in 3 days. Ruined all my hard work so now have to start again. I feel like shit my stomach hurts so bad. I deserve it. Well hopefully I can lose my hain this week and get back on track. Sydney was ok the party was fun but the flights sucked because I hate flying. I danced heaps was so good. Tried not to get a hangover but failed which was annoying. I diluted my drinks and drankwater. Was nearly sober by the time I went to bed but still woke up seedy as fuck. So not ready for work today. Slept poorly. My partner got up and turned the fan down so I sweated to death. Forgot my pass to get up to my floor so will have to wait until someone else from my office is going up. Well I'm going to read some of your blogs now. Much Love, JB xoxo

I woke up and weighed 115 even. Which in hindsight is better then in getting under then that amd seeing the number fo up. I think I'll be back in yhe 116s tomorrow. Ate so much tonight like three portions of salmon amd three chocolate brownies plus other stuff.  And copius amounts of alcohol. I just want to get home now. I miss my bf so much. Oh well I will be leaving in just over 12 hours yay. Going to get some sleep now. Much Love, JB xoxo

Yay 1kg fown. Now I in safely in the 115's. 115.4 to be exact. If I can lose at least 500 grams by tomorrow then I'll in the 114s yay. I'd really love to lose 1.2kgs because I usually gain around 700grams from drinking etc and I'd love to stay under 115kgs. But thats just being greedy lol. Other news is that my hair is yellow, and bluey purplish. I tried to do my own blonde figuring ot was only mainly regrowth it cant be that hard righy. Will try to fix it abit tonight so i dont feel so stupid tomorrow. My cousin who is my hairdresser said she can probably fix it sunday. Lol live and learn. So my new favorite food is prawn rice paper rolls which for two is only 188 calories and fills me up for hours so thats what I'm having for lunch again today. Sydney tomorrow eeek.have so much to do tonight. Ill have to do my makeup and curl my hair in the morning before I go because won't have time once we get there. I think we have an hour at the hotel before getting ...

Hi Lovelies, I woke up yesterday and had lost my gain yay. I should be under 116kgs today. I'm not. I was hungry yesterday so tried to eat a normal healthy weight loss amount so I wouldn't binge. I had soup and toast for breakfast. Sushi for lunch. Factored in soup for dinner. That had me sitting around 1200. I could live with that. I got home amd was relaxing on the couch watching the news and my partner comes in and plops a plate of pizza in front of me. I ate it for two reasons. One, I didn't want to hurt his feelings afterhe had done something sweet. Two, he knows about my ED in the past. He has witnessed me starving before but didn't know thats what I was doing. He doesn't know my behaviours amd I dont want to make him auspicious so he doesn't read up on the EDs amd know the warning signs. So flying under the radar atm. Anyway I  gained 200 grams. I meed to be good for the next 2 days so I'm sitting in the low 115's minimum for Sydney. NO MORE...

Hi Lovelies, I didn't want to wake up this morning. Unfortuantly the heartburn wouldn't go away, evidence that I fucked up the night before. I had two rennie, peed and hopped on the scales with dread 116.7 kgs. Gained 600 grams honestly thought it would be more. Was relieved I was still under 117. Not sure why I snapped yesterday. I think it was self sabotage because I was doing well. Had one binge purge session first one in over 6 months. My son and partner were out of the house for awhile so I quickly smashed through a spoon of icecream, a grilled cheese sandwhich, a pb&j sandwhich and two cans of vodka with raspberry. Got rid of that. Was hungry again soon after so had a soup. It didn't work so when I was cooking sausages for my son I put three in for me. Three whole sausages full of  fat urgh. I had them on white bread loaded with butter, some aioli and tomato sauce. Now that was bad enough and I wish I could say I stopped there. But no I then also had another 2 s...

Hi Lovelies, Gah I don't want it to be Sunday. I am not ready for Monday tomorrow. I only have a 4 day work week because we fly down to Sydney for the work xmas party  on Friday. I'm really anxious about it. I hate flying and I'll be stuck with people all the time. I'll miss my bf like crazy will be weird not sleeping next to him. Ok all that aside my body is acting like a weight loss machine! I've managed to lose the gain plus 200 grams more overnight. And I had an McDonalds ice-cream last night wtf. My intake wasnt great yesterday around 850cals. I should be on the 115's tomorrow. I would love to get under 112.5kgs by Friday so that's like 3.1kgs I think. I can do that. Actually craving food besides soup today hmm. Maybe I'll make some oatbran. If that doesnt work I have a toddlers frozen meal of spaghetti bolognaise around 250 cals if I need it. Better to go slightly higher and prevent a binge. Well that is me for today I have nothing else excit...

Hi Lovelies, Well last night was shit. went to the after party and spent heaps of money on drinks. I ate, I drank, I spent, I gained. Worst party was I didn't even enjoy myself. I was thinking that if I got more drunk I would have more fun. But that didn't work so I came home at 7:30pm. WHAT SURPRISES ME IS THAT I ONLY GAINED 600GRAMS!!!! I ate an appetiser of smoked salmon followed by the main of a duck breast (fat and all) with fondant potato. I had about 5-6 glasses of bubbly there. At the after party I ate 3 sausage rolls and a calamari ring, drank 5 bacardis with coke, real coke with sugar that is and had a shot of fireball and 3 shots of patron coffee tequila. I stopped at the supermarket and brought a spinach pizza and garlic bread. I ate the entire pizza and half a loaf of garlic bread. I also had half a can of vodka and pineapple when I came home. Easily should have been a 2 kg gain. So I am pleasantly surprised. I will be back in  the 116's tomorrow. especially ...

Hi Lovelies, Today was a good day. I felt better at work. In fact I was on fire. The scales werent lying yesterday, I actually lost 3kgs haha bad maths. I lost another 500 grams this morning. I'm at my lowest weight all year, well for at least 2 years. I have a industry lunch/drinkfest tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing people I know and letting loose. Not looking forward to the calories and gain. Been pretty good tiday. Intake will be around 800cals. I had to eat something today besides soup or I would have binged. So glad I did because now I feel full and contwnt and looking forward to soup tonight. I had 2 sushi handrolls with tuna and brown rice around 150 cals each. It feels so good to not feel like shit today. I am going to buy a dress for tomorrow so that might change. I hate the mirrors in the dressing rooms. Anyway I'm still fat but doing sometjing about it so going to some self love tonight. Much Love, JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Slept in today. Got yelled at on the phone by my boss. So shit day at work. Scales must of given me am incorrect reading because theres no way I could have lost 2.6kgs since yesterday. Especially since I binged last night to 1100 calories. Cannot lose control. Should be under 500 for today My puppy is happy to see which is the highlight of my day. Much Love, JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Things are shit. My poor puppy is broken and had to have thousands of dollars worth of surgery. He will be ok though. I don't like my job. I feel incompetent and I feel like my team talk about me behind my back. I don't feel like I fit in. I need to stick it out for a while longer I know. It has only been 7 weeks. Have anoyher function this week in 3 days. Have gained everything I lost last week. Today I am back on track and will be under 800 cals. Just have to keep breathing as I feel I'm on the edge of a panic attack comstantly atm. Sorry I have nothing positive to say today. Much love. JB XOXO

.Hi Lovelies,  Having a bad end of the week. The work function Thursday night was a write off. I got so drunk. I ate and I gained 400 grams. Then Friday I was so hungover at work it was putrid. Found out in the aftrrnoon that my dogs were missing. I called all these different places finally tracked them down at the local vets. They were in a car accident. One is ok just a few scrat hes. One has a broken leg amd needs surgery. Going cost us like $5k. Been emotionaly eating and somehow managed to lose 400 grams. Hoping I can just maintain this weekend. Have to go now bf is coming. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Today has been a mixture of good and bad. Bad is that I failed my last exam for economics so I have to d ok it again. And my destructive dogs got out of the yard. Lucky my neighbour rang and put them back in but now I'll be stressed until I can make sure its fixed properly. I have a work function tonight with food and booze around. I have to wear a dress and try and glamorous but I won't because I'll look like a whale in a sheet. I will have a few champagnes and try my best to exert my willpower and say no to food. The good is that I lost 2.2kgs since yesterday. Lost 3.1kgs in 3 days whoo. Calories were only 358 or something because I decided I was too tired and could skip dinner. Today I will have consumed 180 calories by the time I get to the function. Then another 300-400 for drinks and I should be able to see this day through on 600 cals max. I must be strong. Please be strong. I really want to be in the 116's by tomorrow. It will be my lowest wei...

I feel so alone. I'm always surroundedby people but I feel apart from everyone. Especially at work where I don't fit in any of the cliques. Feels like school again where I am the loner. Maybe there is something so flawed in me that is apparent to everyone else. I hear them all laugh amd jave fun around me and I get jealous. Then I think to myself fuck you all Ill make sure I'm the skinniest here. They're all snarky bitches anyways so give them something to hate me about. When I'm at home my family wants to spend time with me but I want to be alone. I feel so disconnected. I feel awful for thinking this but I feel burdoned. In reality all my dreams are coming true. All my hard work is paying off but I feel nothing except self doubt and self hatred. I believe that I can't ever be happy. My mind won't let me. I should go back on antidepressants but I am scared that I'll feel less then I do now. Other news yesterday wasnt great 1100 cals but mostly that ...

Hi Lovelies, Omg its been too long. How long I cant remember.  I believe I was still at my internship and being sad about finishing up there. Well I finished and the next day got a phonecall from my internship supervisor about a job going at a TV network. So I called about that and had an interview the next day. I was surprised at how my nervousness dissapated once I got there and felt I aced the interview. On the way home on the train I got a call and got offered the job. That was on a Friday and I started on a Tuesday. Now its been nearly 6 weeks. I like it and being in corporate is where I wanted to be but my self-confidence demons are out in full force. Im recieving positive feedback and they are happy withe but I feel like I don't fit it and that I'm not getting it. Which has impacted my eating. I gain a little, I lose a little and so the merry go round  goes. I need to sort my shit out and lose weight. I am nowjere close to any of my grad hoals which is in two weeks. S...

Hi Lovelies, I hate being me. Well since my post the other day I have fallen apart. I ran at the gym the other day and the day after.  Yesterday we went to the beach and I had an anxiety attack because I was the fattest personn at the beach. I couldn't take my clothes off and sunbake in my swimmers. I just laid down on the towel and cried myself to sleep on what is considered to be one of the most beautiful beaches in Australia. Then we drove back with the roof off the car and it was so fucking cold. My goose pimples had goose pimples. I keep trying to not eat much in the day then blowing out at night. I wish that I didn't have to stay alive for my son because I can't bear to make him an orphan. Because I honestly wish I could end it all. Then when my partner picked me up from the train station the tyre blew up. So we waited for 1 1/2 hours for the roadside assistance. Then the fuck it switch went off in my brain and I have now consumed 2400 calories. Well that's me...

Hi Lovelies, Feeling really stressed and anxious atm. In the past week I habe recieved a $1200 electricity bill, a $1100 vet bill, a $550 internet/mobilr phone bill and I  know I am getting a speeding ticket in the mail soon as I know I got caught with a camera the other day. I must find a job or I am screwed. I am also sad as it's my last week at my internship this week and I dont want it to end. I am going to bake a batch of brownies to take in on my final day. Finally been able to get back to the gym twice this week which is thr most in a long time. I am going back today as well. I had a super stressed uni assignment week amd gained 2.5kgs from stress eating. Managed to lose that theb put a kg on then lost it. So now I am right on 25kgd weight loss. I really need to lose the other 5kgs asap as I have been floundering around this weight loss and weight range for months. How can I lose over 17.5 by December the 8th. I would LOVE to be under 100kgs by Graduation. Well I am ...

Hi Lovelies, GAHHHHHHHHHHH supposed to be working on an assignment but nooooooooo stupid phone won't work so trying to fix it. Had to ask for next week off from my internship to get all these assignments done. Oh I applied for this super amazing sounding job so fingers crossed I get it. Other news still fat, always going to be fat. Feeling emo today. I lose a few hundred grams one day and they are back the next and so on and so forth. Even when I eat under 1000 cals so WTF. Other news been back to the gym twice this week so that is something. Sorry I am in a pissy mood so I am going now. Much love, JB XOXO

Hi Lovelies,  Uni is killing me. I'm drowning atm. So much to do so little time. Right now I'm trying to read Roland Barthes Rhetoric of the image and seriously it might as well be written in hieroglyphics. No idea what the fuck he is saying. Grrrr hate this creative class I am not a creative minded person at all. I like numbers and analysis. I have twajor assignments due late next week and I think I'm going to ask to have next week off my internship to be able to get it done. Also I don't think I like the fitbit scales. They seem to read vastly different numbers day by day. For instance yesterday they said I'm 118.6 and today up to 119.8. My intake was  under 900cals yesterday and I moved around heaps so wtf. I'm finally getting back to gym for the first time in forever. I'll check thier scales and see what it says all I've had today is a large skinny cappucino  (80) so shouldnt alter my weight too much. My partner has been noticing I'm not eati...

Hi Lovelies, Gah how long has it been since I posted last I cant remember. Fucking put 4 kgs on since last post. Angry at myself. Started back on my diet again. Going to be diligent so I can lose as much as I can in 3 months until my graduation. Still going to look like a heifer bitch. Still loving my internship. Really hope they give me a job there. Really want to work in search and social media. Totally fucking exhausted atm though. I never get a day off. I'm slammed 7 days a week and lucky to get my weekend sleep ins atm. Can't wait for mid semester so I can live in my jammies 3 days a week. Had some dramas with the teenager but got throughbit and he seems to be in a better place now. Well got nothing else to say. Much love, JB Xoxo

Haha another day at the office. Had nothing to do from 11am onwards. So while I was waitingmfor something to do I worked on a piece assessment due Sunday. Managed to get the whole thing done and submitted so can either have a weekend off or do other subjects stuff. On other news hate the scales lose some gain some. But the gains don't make sense so not sure I trust the fitbit scales. Will go to the gym tomorrow and see what they say in relation to the fitbit ones. Had too small pieces of cake today and part of a chicken pesto avocado sandwhich on top my normal food. Naughty fatty. Wish media partners would stop bring in tasty looking morsels. I  am  finding it too hard to resist. Oh and the biscuits in the tea room. I have a 5km walk thing I'm supposed to be doing with the gym on Sunday. I haven't decided if I will do it yet. I'm nervous I won't be able to do it. But I guess I should try since it cost me nearly $50. Will talk to people at the gym tomorrow and se...

Hi Lovelies, Thought I'd do a catch up post on my long commute home. God I love working in an office. I really hope I get offered a job after I finish my internship. Absolutely loving my internship and the only critique I have received is that I work too fast lol that means that they are struggling to give me enough work. My superviser gave me a task that she thought would take me a few hours and I got it done in under 30 minutes. So as a critique I'm pretty happy about it haha. So I have been really sick for nearly two weeks. And then before that my back was really bad so have not made the gym for a few weeks now. As I have said before, I comfort eat when I'm sick. So I have been eating whatever I wanted and was terrified to get on the scales and when I did my weight had platuaed thank god. I'm down 1 1/2 kgs since Sunday or Monday can't remember. Eating fluctuates from 800-1400 calories. Can't restrict too hard atm I need my brain I have so many uni assign...

Hi Lovelies, What a week! I did my induction on Friday and it was fantastic. Yesterday amd today not so much. Ive enjoyed some of it when I'm actually doing something but mostly I feel like an annoyance as they seem to not be ready for me lol and they dont have a lot to do and when I'm finished one thing I have to ask for something else to do. Apparently i work too fast. Last weekend was fucked full of dramas with my partners ex wife and his stoner son le sigh. So instead on going to uni on monday I stayed home in bed recovering emotionally. I lost my shit with my partner for always putting his ex wifes (aka shebitch) wants/needs over mine. He was like "I understand" I was like "no you don't how could you". People dont start a relationship with someone with a ex they share kids with. Fucking nightmare. So anyway I digressed the point was I'm now behind in my studies. So huge day catching tomorrow. Cannot wait for friday its salon day yay. Thank...

Hi Lovelies, OMG I am so tired lol all I feel I have been doing is running around after everyone, rushing to classes, getting everything sorted for my internship and occasionally chucking in 30 mins at the gym. I am not used to this busy life and now my house is a disgrace. At least tomorrow morning I can come home and clean. I will do the gym in the evening so I don't use all my energy up before the housework lol. I lost 500grams the past two days so I am happy with that. Gah probably having hot chips tonight because we are out and need to keep it cheap. Only burnt off 304 calories at the gym too. Well I am boring and have nothing new to say so here is some corporate workwear thinspo. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Woah what a busy week it was last week. And they are only going to get busier. Scared about fonding time for the gym. Anyways just a quick update while I do the last 5 monutes on the bike. Only doing a 30 min workout today. Just not feeling it. At least I'm doi g something I guess. Diets been getting better under 1000 a day except yesterday which was 1200 or something like that. I lost 2.2 kgs in 6 days and hit another goal. Got under 120kgs. Only by 100 grams but I'll take it. Hope to be at 118 by end of week. Well thats me for now. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Sorry I have absent. I was sick and had to get ready for a house inspection. Now uni has started back. Been looking for an internship. Finally got a call today saying that I have a placement. I'm so excited. I put on a kg while I was sick. Since I've been better I've been eating better and back at the gym I've lost 1.6 kgs. On a downer I had to call the cops last week because I could hear the neighbor hitting on his woman and now my anxiety is through the roof and I hate being home alone. Well thats me for now. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Yay finally made it to the gym last night. Definately noticed my mood quickly improved once I started working out. Even found the courage to step on the scales. Was sure I'd see a gain. Nope saw a loss of 1.3kgs. I was super schocked amd super happy. Thankyou metobolism you are finally being nice to me. Well I have family coming over soon so better go clean. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Sorry for all the typos and spelling/grammer mistakes in last post. Since the kids are gere I  am blogging on my phone. Didnt make it to tge gym last night my back was sore from cleaning the carpet. Thinking of going shopping and to the gym as soon as my boyfriend gets home in an hour or so. I am scared to jump on the scales and see how much ive gained. I need to start keeping track of everything in eating again. I have just let everything go this past week. I feel really depressed. Need to get back into my routine to break my rut. Well that is all. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well I've been gone for a lil bit. No reason just didn't feel like posting. So heres the update. Its school holidats and the teeanger went away for a week. He hasnt even been back for 24 hours and he is already pissing me off with his disrespect. I hurt my back doing zumba 6 days ago so i I have only done 1 workout since then and diet has gone to shit. Plan to do boxing tonight if my back can handle it. Dont know what my weight is. Need to get control back. Cant wait for school holidays to finish so i can get bavk in routine. Busy today shampooing  carpets. Well better get back to it. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well yesterday sucked! I was in a mood about my weight all day. Then the teenager and his gf pissed me off no end. Then to top it off I get an email at nearly 4pm from the real estate saying they are showing property valuers through at 2pm today. So there goes all my plans so I had to clean most of last night and the rest of today before they get here. Which I don't mind cleaning but mean I can't do the cardio class I wanted to do today. So going to the gym tonight to do cardio. We had take out last night and stupid me out of all the healthier options like subway or sushi, I decide to go with the unhealthy one of nasi goreng which is like 700 and something calories. So yesterday I ate around 1400 calories and only burnt off 500 at the gym. No wonder I am gaining, stupid fat bitch. The only positive I am taking from today is that I will be moving heaps. I'm about to go do the yard work because my son and partner did a shit job, stupid males and there ...

Hi Lovelies, I'm fucking depressed today. I gained 1.5kgs in 2 days. I cannot figure out how. The calorie intake doesn't make sense for me to have gained. Tuesday I ate around 1200-1300 calories and burnt nearly 900 at the gym. Yesterday I ate under 800 calories but didn't go to the gym so where did the weight come from. Sorry got nothing else to add today. JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, OMG everything hurts. I'm so wrecked and so glad that I'm  having a rest day tomorrow lol. Except I'm going out tonight which means walking several blocks each way which I'm dreading lol my thighs are dead. Oh well suck it up princess. I ended up burning 1330 cals yesterday doing 30 minutes on the bike, a tabata class and a boxing class. I consumed just under 700 by memory. And I lost 1.5kgs so yay. Today I did 20 mins on the bike, a rowing class and a zumba class total of 898 cals burnt so yay. Now to have a shower, wax my scary eyebrows and put makeup on. Much love JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, How is everyone? Well it's been awhile since my last post. I have had people around me all the time lately. This week is my last week of solitude for two weeks again because of school holidays next week. On the plus side the teenager is going interstate for a week so will just be my son and I yay.  Ok so I have lost control with food atm. Can't manage to get back to 350 cals intake. I jump from 600 to 1000. I have been working out like a beast. I was doing well last week and lost a bit of weight until Saturday. Spent two hours at the gym and nearly burnt 1000 calories and haven't had anything to eat. Decided to have vodka for dinner. Bad idea, drunk heaps so many calories and then drunk ate. Was so hungover yesterday I let myself eat KFC gah. So I finally hit the 20kg los last week and then I fucking sabotaged it. I'M up 600 grams boo. Already burned off 736 cals at gym this morning and going to do a boxing class tonight so hopefully will get rid o...

Hi Lovelies, Finally can get back to my routine of having the house to myself in the days again. Ok update of weekend time. We had a wonderful time on our day trip and done heaps of tourist stuff. Calories were horrendous. They go like this: Friday 1288 in - 633 burnt = 655 (not too bad) Saturday 2093 - ? lots of walking = Lets call it 2093 cos I don't know Sunday 899 - 0 burnt = 899 (Don't like ever going above 800 so I consider this a shitty intake) Since yesterday I have been working out like a mofo at the gym. Although my calories burnt don't really match how I feel. I can barely walk today. Yesterday I did my usual program and then a kettlebell class for 45 mins- total burn 578, and ate 345 calories. So that left me with a deficit of 233. I gained 800 grams from the weekend. Lost 500 grams since yesterday. I have already watched all of "Orange is the new black" season 3 and about to watch the last episode GoT. So sad I will have to find a...

Morning Lovelies, Sorry I have been absent. House got sick. Also my partner is having a 10 day break. Thank god everything goes back to normal in 3 days. So I have this weird thing when I am sick. I go into total comfort eating mode and eat whatever I want. I think it stems to the emotional trauma from being a really sick kid always in and out of hospital. Anyway I ate like a fiend. Finally got a chance to weigh myself yesterday. Was terrified that I put heaps back on. So stepped on waited for it to flash the numbers at me and............... Only 900 gram gain wtf awesome. I mean a gain sucks but when I was expecting so much worse. Yesterday's intake wasn't great 840 calories in and burnt 245calories at the gym. Would have been worse except I threw up most of dinner. Not on purpose just happened. Also my boobs are so sore and I have had cramps. Kinda worried I might be pregnant but keep pushing that thought aside because just don't want to deal with it.  Don't ...

Hi Lovelies, Sorry I haven't posted anything for day kids have been home sick. On my phone now and I  hate blogging with it its so hard.  Don't know what weight is new s ales are useless. Calories are up and down sometimes 350 sometimes newrly 800. Just wa.t.to go to gym or run but i am sick so trying to be good and let myself get better. Theres not too much to say. Hope everyone is well. JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Gah what is the point. In five days all I lost was 800grams. Brought new scales today but they are crappy ones but they will do. I am now officially finished for the semester and am on break. All I want to do is make a lentil soup and I bought a pack of dry lentils and now can't find them anywhere. FUCK LIFE. Intake has been up and down. Will post week 3 's table tomorrow. Only went to gym twice last week. Going again this afternoon. I feel like shit and just want to comfort eat so bad. I was pasta and ice-cream again. But nope I am determined to workout like a beast again this week and get better at restricting. Yesterday I ate 799 calories.. Such a fat ass. I have nothing else to say. JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well yesterday was a wash out. Boyfriend came home last night yay. No one had eaten yet so he wanted to take us all out for dinner. I couldn't say no and I secretly didn't want to say no. I could have ordered a salad or soup. I didn't. I ordered pasta, I had garlic cheesy bread, two glasses of wine and ice-cream. We were laughing and having fun and the voices in my head were quieter (damn them). It was nice for a brief moment to feel normal(ish). As soon as I walked in the front door the guilt started up and the voices were loud "Fat, weak, useless, no control, you deserve to be a whale, stupid, fat, worthless". I was so worried that I weighed myself in the middle of the shopping centre on one of those coin operated scales. My shame exposed to everybody. Gained 900grams. Not surprised. Surprised it was not more. Angry because I tried to convince myself I could not be me for a night. I am still far too fat to think I can go eat Italian without cons...

WTF is wrong with me. I binged....... again..... I purged......... again. Lucky the kids were too preoccupied with thier video games. I was able to go into my room, lock the door and turn the shower on and go about my business. But my partner gets home tomorrow and I can't lock him out of our bedroom. I can't lose control like that again. The first binge and purge was planned but this wasn't.  I pushed back eating too far and as I was ser ing dinner I thought fuck it I am going to eat to. It was butter chicken with naan bread so like a gazillion calories. I think I got most of it up in the end I was just dry heaving. Now I have a raging headache but I deserve it for being such a weak fat bitch. JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, So yesterday was the end of week 2. Total weight loss 2.2kgs. Absolute crap. Hopefully this week will be better. Although with my period who knows. Below is last weeks calorie chart. Intake was up by 6 calories but burnt 298 cals more then last week. I really want to get my total to under 1000 cals per week. Oh well at least its a slight improvement over the previous week.  Week 2 Date Day Calories In Calories Out TOTAL (Cals in - out) 20/5/15 Wednesday 670 308 362 21/5/15 Thursday 563 563 22/5/15 Friday 268 651 -383 23/5/15 Saturday 458 704 -246 24/5/15 Sunday 434 434 25/5/15 Monday 325 252 73 26/5/15 Tuesday 463 463 TOTAL 3181 1915 1266 So went to the gym this morning. Then went shopping and brought binge food. I have been feeling a binge coming on for days now and have been trying to keep it in control until today when I knew I had time and privacy to purge. Now I am not a huge binge and purge kinda girl and now I remember why. So the binge wasn't ...

Hi Lovelies, So got my period last night. Explains my moods last two days. I get my period maybe twice a year so never know when it is going to come. Yesterday's intake was ok 325 in and 252 burnt. My god it was so hard to think yesterday. My brain was struggling. The logical part of my brain kept telling I need to eat more this week to feed my brain, and I know it is right. I just can't even going to 500 cals is too damn scary. It is frightening how quick the disorder takes over. I am scared and at the same time relieved at how easy it was to fall back into it. No one has noticed that I barely eat. I was terrified about going back to my ED because I was sure I would get found out almost instantly. But nope everyone is so self-absorbed they don't notice all I generally eat is 2 scrambled egg whites and tomato, a cup of soup, whipped diet jelly and 2-4 mini chocolate covered rice cakes a day. It also makes me a little sad and I feel very unimportant at the same time as ...

Hi Lovelies, Stupid week 2. Stupid body. Since Saturday I have only lost 100grams. I consumed 458 calories on Saturday and burnt off 704. Yesterday was rest day but overate and consumed 434 calories instead of the maximum 350 I was supposed to have. But surely I should have a bigger loss then that. GGRRRRR. I had a shit weekend. The teenage stepson was being an asshole and had me in tears yesterday. And I am doing this group assignment and these girls are being bitches. Wanna slap them so hard right now. Seriously falling behind in my other assignment. Just want to cry and sleep and fuck it all to hell. So yeah the start of my week is crap atm. Oh and the boyfriend is away until Thursday. So I have to look after his and my child, take animals to vet, go to uni and learn flash animation and do my assignment by Friday 5pm. FUCK. Sorry for the downer post everyone. Stay strong JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Boyfriend has left the house so now quickly typing this post. Stepson is here but in his room with his friend playing the ps4. So yesterday was 1000 moves ahead on the gym leader-board. Now I am 1000 moves behind 1st. Have to go to the gym now, which I was not planning on because it is supoosed to be a body rest day.Yesterday was a good day intake wise 268 in and 651 out. Got to love a 353 deficit. I don't have to much to write about. All I did yesterday was go to the gym, clean up a little and walk the dog. Hopefully my weight will be lower today, I don't think I could handle seeing the same number. I hate week 2 weight loss is always sucky. Does anybody else have this happen to them during the second week of dieting/restricting? Well hope everyone has a decent day. JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, So either I miscalculated the calories from the other night or I am already plateauing. I jumped on the scales at the gym this morning and was the same as 2 days ago gah. I did have a cup of coffee before I went but surely that would not do too much. Yesterday's intake was crappy, 563. I am trying to stay around the 350 mark. Plus I did not exercise at all yesterday so that intake is not excusable. Managed to burn off 250 so far today with an intake under 100 cals so far. Going to take dog on a good hour long walk later so I am hoping for a larger deficit then I managed last week. Really need to get some eggs and tomatoes today I am enjoying my 2 egg whites scrambled with half a tomato on the side breakfast (57cals). Yesterday I felt like toast so I chopped a lite cruskit into 4 triangles instead (22cals). Also had my coffee (13cals) followed by 2 chocolate covered mini rice cakes (37cals). Date Day Calories In Calories Out TOTAL (Cals in - out) 13/5/15 Wedne...

Hi lovelies, Well I don't know what was happening yesterday but I typed mypost and hit publish. Didn't work. Tried again and still nada. So third time lucky. I had a pretty rough day two days ago. At least my intake was good 310 calories in and 358 out. I slipped on water in the kitchen and smashed my knees and left hand. Also smacked the spot on my abdomen where my liver sits on the dogs bowl. So yesterday woke up after a crappy night sleep because of the pain, knees and my shoulder and abdomen are throbbing. So had to forgo yoga and weights at the gym. Ended up doing 45 mins of cardio. oh yesterday I weighed in and lost 600 grams in 2 days not that great. But on the plus side lost 5.5kgs last week. Last nights dinner was actually not as bad as I thought. Only 670 calories in and 308 calories out so I csn live with that only ended up having 362 calories I didn't burn off. Thank goodness for that I was so worried and anxious. Well better go get my day organised. Have ...

Hi Lovelies, I am feeling low today peeps. My scales are broken so yeah freaking out about that. Well good motivation for me to go to gym so I can check my weight. My finances are so severely screwed right now. And I binged last night gah. I only ate 788 calories thank god. But the poinr is I lost control and I could feel the frenzy coming on. I think the only reasons I was able to pull back was that I had no way of purging it, I couldn't have gotten away with throwing up and I have no laxatives. Also we are celebrating mums birthday tomorrow night and I am making curry so I know I will be having far to many calories tomorrow night. I am so not looking forward to it. I am not sure why I binged. Maybe because I felt guilty bailing from my walk because I was tired, lazy fat ass. Or maybe it was my stupid brain going "oh are you making this not enough food thing a habit? Hmmm let me make this interesting". But I don't really know. Well I don't have more to...

Morning Lovelies, Well the mystery about my scales is solved. When I jumped on this morning it said I had lost another 10kgs. Then the Error flashed on the screen. So it needs new batteries. Or it is broken (please god no, the horror). Can't afford batteries until tomorrow. The gym has scales. So when I go today at least I will have some idea of where I am at. Not that I would trust them completely as they sit on carpet. Finally have some peace and quiet today and am home alone. I nearly got caught a few times blogging on the weekend, I have to be more careful it was careless of me. New rule if my partner is home I must blog off my phone. I also logged out of myfitnesspal.com on google chrome and now only access it via incognito mode. My phone is password protected so that is fine but will need to log out on my tablet when I am finished. So yesterday I was allowing myself to go up to 600 calories. Ended the day on 442 calories so I am happy about that. I know I only ...

Having a conundrum. I am hungry but don't want to eat, but need to eat so I can think because I need to get this assignment done. Maybe I will stretch my calories to 600 today gahhhh. Also don't have time for my walk today shit.

Hey lovelies, So I am a little confused today as I think my scales must be broken. I stood on them. then stood on them again and again, all up 6 times. (Holy shit boyfriend almost saw my screen phew that was close) Every single time 120.5kgs. Now I would LOVE to believe that was true I really would. But there is no way in hell that I lost nearly 8kgs since yesterday. but I was only in deficit of 50 calories not 50,000. So either my scales are not working correctly or I have been getting incorrect readings lately. Opinions anyone? Also woke up super stressed after I slept way in on a day I couldn't afford to. I got to get this assignment done argh. Well I better go and get this done and also before I nearly get busted by boyfriend again. Hope you are all having a nice weekend. JB xoxo