Grin for Thin

Well last night was pleasant went and watched the early fireworks with my son and was home relaxing by 10:15 pm. Yesterday I didn't clean anything and my place is looking so gross. So today is a cleansing day I am going to scrub everything and blast music until my soul feels cleansed and ready to kick some major ass this year!!!!! Well I had 800 grams loss since yesterday which is great because I ate abit yesterday (I was so hungry grrrr) but I know alot of it is still water weight so probably won't see much off tomorrow. Need to go to the supermarket later and get some staples. Well I know it is not 2012 for you all yet so have a wonderful NYE everyone!!!!!! JB xoxo 31/12/11 Food Breakfast: Usual 3 cups of coffee (78) Lunch: Salad (91) Dinner: 5 thin rice cakes with hummus (210) Snacks: Too many nuts (271), 1 juicebox frozen cut in half and eaten like an iceblock (113) Exercise 45 minutes slow walk (187) Total Net Calories: 576 Sorry for being lazy with typing

The weather is ruining my plans for NYE big pooh!!!!! It is raining and I was going to go swimming until the fireworks started but now it just looks like I will be watching the fireworks. On other news I lost 700 grams woot will not be seeing the new year in weighing over 100 kgs. So I usually never make resolutions because well it is such 'normal' thing to do and I fight against normality, but seeing as it is 2012 and we could all be dead by the end of this year I thought why not. So 1st reso is too never be in the triple digits again. 2nd is to be 58 kgs or less by Christmas. 3rd is to be more consistent with my exercise and the last is to study harder and get the best grades I can. Actually make that the 4th the last would be to be a better mother because although I am a good mum I can always be better!!!!!! Well should go clean up and get ready for NYE!!!!! See you all in 2012!!!! Stay Strong JB xoxo 30/12/11 Food Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (3) with 4 teaspoons o

OMG I am horrible I gained 3.3 kgs in just a lil over a week. Back in the triple digits damn it. On the plus side I will be back under 100 kgs by tomorrow. Well I was out of control with the food over Christmas (obviously), I was good until boxing day because I was so busy but something happened on xmas eve, and as soon as I wasn't busy I emotionally ate and ate and ate.  I am excited to be alone again and able to get some control back because I so need it. OMG I am so puffy so much water weight along with some fat weight too. Well that is all I can think of to say right now. I hope you are all well. And welcome to my 16th follower. JB xoxo

Yay under 97 kgs. I am only 8.4 kgs away from one of my major goals which is to get back to what I was when I fell pregnant (88.5). Cannot wait until Christmas is over and I can get back into it all. OMG when I get down to my next major goal weight that will mean I will no longer have an obese BMI, I will be down in the overweight section. Might sound hella scary for a lot of you out there but it is exciting for me. Now I know I will gain a few kgs back over Christmas I just hope that it is not enough to push me back over the 100 kgs mark because I love being in the double digits. Well my mother gets here tonight and I am going to miss blogging and reading blogs as well. I doubt I will be able to check it as she is super needy atm and hangs off me hardcore. Lets just say she isn't coping with independence as well as me. On the plus side catching up with life long family friends next week will be great. Well as this is probably my last post until the 28-29th I wish you all a very Me

So I lost 500 grams, not as much as I hoped considering my weightloss has slowed right down the past dwfew days but I will take it. On the plus side I have now lost 15 kgs. I wonder how much more I can lose before uni starts back. So tomorrow my mother is back for a week fuck. I am scared how much weight will I put on over the xmas period? I really hope that I lose another 500 grams before tomorrow and that I don;t gain enough to go back over 100 kgs *sigh*. But I got to keep my eyes on reality if I appear strange and stressed about eating when mum is here then the chance is she will catch on before I lose enough weight. I have no false thoughts that one day I will be caught but I do not plan for that day to be anytime soon. I have so much food to make for xmas and I have not started on anything lol. I think I will start making the pudding today and start preparing for my vegan nut cheeses. All I can think is ahhhhhhh sugar = weight and pimples, flour = wight, butter =fat, nuts = fatty

So day 2 of plateau lost a miserable 100 grams. Now I am getting annoyed. I even had a larger calorie day to keep my metabolism guessing. Now I am not feeling all positive and nonchalant about it, I am just pissed. Must do some exercise later and hope to drop something by tomorrow. I only have 2 days before my mother gets back fuckity fuck now the 95kgs is so not going to happen, I am just hoping for 97kgs now. Ok now this might be TMI so don't read this part if you don't want to. The laxatives haven't been working properly which is annoying. I am just not releasing enough grrrrrr. Might have to do a salt water flush and so don't want to cos they are foul.  Well that is my morning grump. Well I had a craving for pasta and garlic bread last night so I had it, but instead of pasta I used shiritaki noodles and I made garlic bread with 2 slices of wholemeal bread. And last but not least welcome to my 15th follower :). JB xoxo 18th of December 2011 Food Breakfast: 3

Hit a plateau not surprising but still sucks arse. I have had some pretty impressive numbers drop this week so knew it had to be coming. All good I should see a reasonable number tomorrow. I am trying to stay positive about it. Well not much going on today, abit of light cleaning and baking some bread. JB xoxo 17th of December 2011 Food Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (2) with 4 tsp of nativa natural sweetener (2) and 2/3 cup of sanitarium so good fat free soy milk (47) Lunch: Banana (110), nectarine (60) and 1/3 dumpling (78) Dinner: 2 thin rice cakes (44), 1/2 cup alfalfa (4), 2 slices of tomato (7), 2 tbsp tofutti soy cream cheese (60), 1/2 cup V8 vegetable juice, 1/2 cup carrot juice (35), 1 tsp of massels salt reduced vegetable stock powder (4). Exercise Swimming (147) Walking (61) Net calories:  265

I wake and stumble into the bathroom. I knock the glass bottle of aromatherapy oil and it falls to the ground and breaks "shit". I clean it up then take a big breath and step on the scale, bracing myself for what I know will either be no loss or a gain. The scale reads 98.1 kgs hmmmm can't be right, I step on the scale again and again but still 98.1 kgs greets me. I am stunned and besides myself. I lost a whole kilo since yesterday. Amazing since I further binged later last night but then purged, could not allow myself sleep with all the fatty oily carb loaded dumplings in my body. I feel a lil crappy today as in unwell as I usually do morning after a purge.  Well big day today and totally don't wanna do it but I have to so I will drink my coffee and get ready. JB xoxo 16th December 2011 Food  Breakfast: 3 cups of coffee (4) with 6 tsp nativa natural sweetener (4) and a cup of sanitarium so good fat free soy milk (70). Lunch: Natures Way Figure Protein Shake m

OMG what did I do I had another one then a chocolate crackle then a cookie :( . Total calories today 900 oh fuck. Feel so ashamed and so bloated. cannot take any laxatives as I have to go out in the morning fuck fuck fuck. I am hopeless, worthless. This is why I am going to die alone, who could ever love such a hideous beast, such a fat failure. I hate myself, I am nothing. I got the stupid poster done but now I don't want to go out tomorrow and let people see me "look at that fat woman, her poor son". I am all of your worst nightmare, I am the one thing that scares you most of all. Rolls of fat, double chin and thighs that rub together. Heck I am my own worst nightmare. Oh god my stomach hurts so much and I deserve it. I am so weak. JB

OMFG why on earth did I decide to cook my son fucking dumplings????? They looked so good, they smelt so good and they tasted so so so good :(. I have only eaten one which is 261 calories eeeeek. I am trying to tell myself "ok fatty you had one that is enough, don't blow it all on a binge you can still have a loss tomorrow as long as you don't have another one" *sigh* please Ana let me be strong. My stomach is starting to feel full. May I harfed it down at the speed of light. Phew starting to fee l better already now that the hungry feeling has gone I do not think I will binge now. OMG it was too much for my stomach which has obviously shrunken past few days of restricting, my stomach is starting to hurt (deserves my fat arse right for eating carby dumplings). Damn it I am building a resistance to laxatives it takes me more and more to get the desired effect TMI I know. Well besides making a mess and eating grrrrrr I still haven't done my poster. My Christmas cards

Feeling kinda numb this morning hopefully I will feel uhm well something later. Slept pretty rough, tossed and turned all night. So I have to make a sign for a animal rights protest tomorrow and I got no idea what to do which is unlike me because I usually do awesome signs. Which is good since I am studying advertising at uni. I have had a month off so far with another 2 months to go and i already miss going to classes, the learning, the assignments. I am so sick lol. So I lost 500 grams since yesterday so that is pretty good. I wasn't expecting so much since I had 2 days of large losses. So yesterday my calorie intake was 350 mostly liquid except I craved into temptation and had some of the chocolate crackle mix, not much but I know one is about 140 cals and I probably had half of one. I have decided to add what I have eaten and exercised at the end of my blog for the day before from now on. I do not really know why, maybe it is because I find it interesting to see what you girls

So I am totally hooked on this song atm. Maybe cos I can't get him off my mind. The only one I ever truly loved and the one I couldn't ever truly have. I am so sick of crying for him, I am so sick of seeing him everywhere when he is nowhere. It has been like 1 1/2 years and the pain is still so raw and deep. When does it end? And if anyone cares my hair looks exactly like Kimbra's , same colour and all. Actually she looks like a skinnier version of me, same kinda facial features I think that is kinda cool. JB xoxo

So wating for response from blogger team to find out why my weight loss ticker won't move to the right like it is supposed to. Because now it is blocking a bunch of text. Grrrrrrr. But great news I am back under hundred kgs woot, I am 99.6 kgs. I lost a nice 900 grams since yesterday not bad not bad. Bad news I am so effing hungry today gah. And I have to bake shortbread gah, at least I am making them non vegan no tasting for me :). I have to go buy ingredients and I hate supermarkets when I am hungry. My hives are still here and still itchy as hell.  Hmmm what else am I going to do today? Oh thats right I am going to soak my hair in coconut oil as it is so dry at the moment and make my own christmas cards :) . Well I hope that all this keeping myself busy business will keep my mind off food. Thinking thin JB xoxoxo

Love my cats way of letting me know she wants attention when I am on the computer. She is rubbing her fur across my face while I am trying to type. I have lost 700 grams woot all I need to do is lose 600 grams by tomorrow and I am back in the double digits yay. Bad news I am breaking out in hives again I wonder what it was this time. I took some anti-histamines unfortuantly they are the drowsy ones and I have to go out today to the city shopping hmmmmmm could get interesting. Grrr fucking hate them I so itchy and trying not to scratch. Anyways better suck it up and go do what I gotta do. Take care girls JB xoxoxo

Yay the mothership has departed back to my sweet sweet freedom. So day 1 starts again today so excited. Best news is although I have been eating and alot of it being cheap nasty carbs I have maintained at 101.2 kgs yay. Won't take me long to get back under the 100 kgs mark. I expect to be there by the weekend woot woot so excited to be back. I have missed everyone's blogs and I have about 3 weeks of blog reading to catch up on. I really want to be at 95 kgs before Christmas so I have a buffer to stay under the 100 kgs mark because I know I will be eating over Christmas. Just no avoiding it mum will be back here for a few days. So freaking happy right now. Got to go into Chinatown today and get some supplies, will have to remember to grab some shirataki noodles. Then might go for a swim and do my best hippo impressions. I might see the beautiful thin girl on the bus again, seems to happen alot now. She is so beautiful and so thin but looks healthy like she isn't pale or gaun