OK well my official weight loss for November is 7.9 kgs. Not ten like I'd hoped but all in all can't complain because I've had lots of slips. Wish I could have lost another 100 grams. I hate uneven numbers they do my head in. Thank god work is only another 1 1/12 week til we break up for the Xmas break. I have another job interview next weekend so hopefully I won't have to go back to this one after the new year's. Well that's me going to go get ready for work and do a few other things before I start work. JB Xoxo
Posts
TGIF! Last day of work is about to start. Only four hours today. I've only lost 500grams in two days. Thinking I'm not going to hit my goal of losing ten lbs in November. Going to take a few extra laxatives tonight to see if that helps. So happy got new phone, now have a way to take photos to document progress. Well going to get my coffee and park at my desk. JB xoxo
Gah it's been like a week or something since I last posted. New job has wiped me out. I also am not sleeping much atm so always tired. The job is shit as I knew telemarketing would be. I have another interview next month for a company I would like to work for. Yesterday I done a bunch of tests for another role that would be good also. So hopefully I won't have to work too long at this place. Some days I've been good with calories, others not so much. Weight has bounced around. Back to 134.3 today. I have 1 week left in November so have to be super diligent. I can still make this goal. Well that's me for today. Going to have a nap before work. JB xoxo
Grrr another 400grams gained. Was doing well yesterday then partner took us all out to dinner so we didn't have to mess the house since the house inspection is today. We went to a local noodle bar. I ordered a prawn noodle dish unfortunately it didn't contain the amount of vegetables as its picture. Other news I got the fucking job wahhhh. I start today in half an hour. I feel sick. Have bought my safe food with me so intake should be good again today. Job Xoxi
This is why I am morbidly obese. I have no fucking self control. I smashed through 1668 calories yesterday. Thought that I might be safe and not gain too much because I was shampooing carpets and had a busy day yesterday. No, my body decided to punish me for being a greedy fat pig. Gained 2.1 kgs. Worst part is I have woken up hungry today. Going to be a hard day today. I will be moving heaps so that has to help. Was supposed to hear about job yesterday afternoon but nope. Still not sure I wanted it anyway. JB xoxo
Week 2 Progress was I Lost 2.6kgs. Not to bad. I am 3.9kgs away from November's goal. I overate again yesterday 974 calories. Lucky I lost 700grams. I really need to get some self control. Today I have a job interview for a job I don't want so feeling super lethargic. It is for a outbound telemarketing role. I don't want to do that I hate when I get those calls. Unfortunately I am too broke to be picky. I was offered to go be a hotel cleaner and I would rather do that then be a telemarketer if only I didn't have back issues. At least I would be burning calories. I am trying to be positive. It would be money. It is more experience on my resume. It can just be a job I do while waiting for THE job. JB xoxo
What a weekend! The weekend was so supercharged with emotion. Maybe because of the super moon. My mum had my son for the night on Saturday. I get a phonecall at 8:40pm, my son is sobbing uncontrollably. My mother had gone and gotten herself plastered again and he didn't feel safe. I went and got him straight away. I was so fucking angry! Livid! Then yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster with my step son. He fought with his father. He fought with me. He fought with both of us at the same time. Come last night and I was so drained. Saturday I binged. I was so annoyed at gaining 900grams that I said fuck it Ate over 1700 calories. I wasn't going to track it but in the end I did. I wanted to be accountable to myself. I gained 2kgs when I weighed in yesterday. I was good yesterday, slightly going over and finishing off the day on 899cals. At least all healthy. Lost 2.5kgs on the scales today. No more nonsense or I won't meet my November goal. I don't expect to los...
OK have more time to post now l. Killing half an hour while other half is in with the physio. Chilling in the car with the aircon set to antartoca and drinking a zilch slurpee. Determine to try and burn some calories. I'm devastated about the weight gain. Almost 1kg. I just don't understand. I only consumed 900 grams of super healthy food. Everything weighed and accounted for. I moved around heaps with cleaning the house and mowing the lawn. What is worse is that I forgot we are kinda kid free tonight so I bet my man will want to go out to eat. Anxiety is rising already at the thought of not knowing the calories and surely going well over 1000 cals for the day. I had my monthly appointment with my job network place yesterday. He asked how things were going and I burst into years. Very embarrassing. Not being able to get a job is totally crushing me. Financially and emotionally. Going to check out a Buddhist place tomorrow night. I'm excited but also nervous about be...
Yay the scales are finally moving. Another decent loss today of 1.2kgs. Only 4.1kgs to hit November's goal. Then only 500grams to get out of the 130's. I totally wish that for 12 months I didn't have to work. That I could just focus on loosing weight and getting fit. But sadly mumma's got bills to pay. Have to apply for a bunch of jobs today. Then have to meet with my job network provider which are totally useless. Then more housework. If I can get enough housework done today then tomorrow I can go to the beach for half the day. So with that I leave you with some beach thinspo! JB xoxo
Hallalujah!!!! Finally a decent loss! Lost 1kg. Which is great considering my partner made me eat a roast chicken meal. Luckily ended the day at 845cals. I have started doing weight loss meditation so hopefully that helps. It is definitely is making me feel more relaxed. After I finish with my post and my ice coffee I am going to do a yoga session. I have decided that I want to learn Buddhism. I have been thinking about it for ages and now is the time. I need to get rid of my toxic thoughts. Other then yoga, I have to go to the shops because I have no safe food left. Then I need to clean as we have a house inspection next week. My boyfriend told me he was proud of me for the positive changes I am making. Hmmm if only he knew. Still better then keep being a lazy fat slob who gave up on herself. Now I am just a lazy fat slob who is trying. I have also been watching heaps of youtube vids on people transformations to get inspired. Now looking for 200cal meal ideas. JB xo...
Stupid body. It is holding onto the weight. I should be dropping decent numbers. Lost the 200grams from yesterday. Feeling nauseous alot and low on energy. I thought the nausea was from having liquid days so now back on solids still not helping. Still I'll persevere and hopefully soon I will see a decent drop on the scales. JB xoxo
Today is the start of week 2. I am finishing week 1 on a depressing note. The number keeps going up. Gained 200 grams since yesterday. I wasn't perfect but I thought I'd still be under 1000. My logged foods were 650cals and then I had a few bites of this and that yesterday. I need to stop mindless eating. I was looking to lose 5kgs but instead came in at 3.5kgs. That is still a good number and means I'm only 6.5kgs off my November goal. I need to stay focused this week and really stick to my calories. I think I will set my calorie limit to 800cals a day max. I haven't had the euphoric empty feeling yet. Going to spend some time on me this morning now that I am finally at home alone. Then this afternoon I'll chuck on the aircon because it is 33 degrees celsius and some music and get some housework done. JB xoxo
I gained 1kg :( and I don't know how. Super miserable today. Decided it is a liquid only day today. So far I have had a fat blaster shake with unsweetened almond milk (168 cals), might have another one later. Going to have soup for dinner. Aiming for max of 700 cals today. My new love is ice cold water with lemon and cucumber slices. JB xoxo
Grrrrr so fucking disgusted in myself right now!!!!..... Stupid fat pig........ I thought I had added something on myfitnesspal and I didn't so that put me slightly over 600 cals, then I stuffed two pieces of garlic bread with dinner and now at 917. Worst part was I ate it because it was there. I am not even really feeling hungry yet. I need better self control then this....... Wish I had some laxatives to punish myself. Must buy some tomorrow. JB out.
Well it is day 4. Only lost 600grams since yesterday which sucks. Aiming for under 800 cals today. Everyone has been home today so I have been waiting for window to post this. Finally got about 30 mins with no one around. I am a bit nervous about this weekend food wise. Especially tomorrow as we will be out all day so not sure how I am going to manage my calories. I might have to be realistic and aim for 1200-1400 tomorrow but at least we will be doing some walking and swimming at the beach so should be good and offset some of those extra calories. Need to find and charge my fitbit before then so I can track my activity. Also catching up with a life long friend. Not looking forward to the 2 1/2 hour drive each way but still it will be a good day. JB xoxo
Day three and so far so good. I am aiming at just under 1000 cals today which will be my best so far. Going from 3000-4000 a day down to this will take time to get my stomach to shrink.Eating lunch while I type this, 3 lite cruskits with half a small avocado, a small apple and a pot of peppermint and green tea. Still in bed with this damn stomach bug that's slowly passing so off the broths now. Ok update Day 1 Tuesday - 140.4 kgs, 1,179 cals Day 2 Wednesday - 138.6 kgs (down 1.8kgs), 1,345 cals (not great) Day 3 Thursday - 137.6 (down 1kg, 2.8 so far), Cals??? Goals for November: Walk at least once a week Lose 10 kgs Should be easy achievable goals to meet. My top 5 reasons to lose weight: 1= Be able to fit into all my cool clothes. 2= Hopefully boyfriend will ask me to marry him. 3= If aforementioned proposal ever happens I wont be a gigantic lump on my wedding day. 4= Not be scared of scales and mirrors (escpecially clothing store mirrors, they are brutal)...
Just read my last post to see what has changed. Heaps....... I resigned from my job and left in early July. I am still looking for another job. I would love to say that since leaving that place that my self-esteem has improved but sadly it has plummeted. I am miserable. On top of that I have almost gained all the weight back. Being unemployed is taking its toll on my self worth more then I would have imagined. I am no longer studying since I finally graduated. Now I simply unemployed. I have had numerous interviews which I have been told that I am a good candidate and that it was between me and another person and they decided to go with the other person. I do wonder if it is weight related bias? Not sure why I keep just missing out. I recently met with a recruitment office and had to take all these tests and group assessments. Got told my test results were really high but still nothing. I am at a loss. I feel my relationship is breaking down and I don't know how to fix it. I ...
So it was a total fail. Bot because Rawtil4 does not work but because I couldn't maintain it. The occasional slip became the frequent slip to the who the fuck cares I'll eat whatever whenever. I have gained since early December 12kgs wtf. Im back onto counting calories but I don't want to go back to restricting. I want to enjoy life again. Allow myself the occasional indulgence. No more drastic diets just sensible choices and being kind to myself. Lifes too short to try and be size 0. I have changed my goal weight even. I'll be happy with being at 80 kgs instead of under 60 like was my original goal. Just taking stock on whats important in my life and my job makes me miserable so I just want the otger aspects of my life to suck less. This job has taken such a heavy toll on me. My self confidence is at all time low. Probably why I gained so much. I know I need a new job but I know the longer I hang in the better it will look on my resume. Omg this guy on the train h...
Hi Lovelies, So I did first day of raw till 4 yesterday. It was hard eating so much. Having my belly so distended. But I kept going and kept eating giving in to the process. I ate over 3000 calories and my diet was 91% carbs. Now I tild myself I wouldn't weigh myself but ild habits dye hard. Expected to see a weight gain. Nope lost 900grams. Wow. Goes against everything we know. Ok so to let you know what I ate. Breakfast- 5 bananas and 3 dates blended with water to make a smoothie. Lunch- 4 mangoes Dinner- 10 small potatoes boiled with 3 roast tomatoes and a roast zucchini (dry roasted no oil). Snacks- Plums, dates, figs and a banana. So its not all great. Feeling loysy from detoxing with a wicked headache. Also has bowel pains but since I'm going now thats decreasing as is the flatulence. Will be interesting at work tomorrow. Well I better go get my fruit on. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, I can't live like this anymore. I have to change something. I'm going to attempt the raw till 4 lifestyle. Not sure if anyone is familiar with it. Basically you gorge (I really mean gorge) on fruit all day then have a high carb low fat dinner. Like you hust eat huge amounts. I'm am stressed about the quantity. I know I will temporarily gain. This is no longer about weightloss. I need to heal me. If I don'tdo something drastic I'm scared where I'll end up. I am excited about being able to feel full and satisfied again. I know I'll have demons to battle with food but its time. On other news I'm down 500grams. Usually I would be excited but I don't really care. Since I made the decision to not be ruled by the number on the scale I feel a sense of peace. Well I'll update on how I go. Much Love, JB Xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Only lost 100 fucking grams. I went to gym ate well and only lost 100 grams. That's it I need to get back under 1000cals. Even though I'm eating really healthy food I'm just need to see more dramatic drops. I'm still 5.2kgs away from my goal and only have 8 days to get there. I'm really struggling with depression atm. My son has been getting along great my mums without me so maybe he would be ok if I just left this realm. My boyfriend would be so much better off without me holding him back from someone prettier skinnier and smarter. They would be sad for awhile but then they would be fine. I work on the 17th floor and am sure I wouldn't survive jumping off that. I'm probably too weak to kill myself so I'll just stop talking shit. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Geez I'm getting bold. I'm typing this on the train facing my boyfriend. Yay I had a decent loss of 1.5kgs. Now I have 9 days to lose 5.5kgs. I need to lose 611grams a day to make that happen. That is a big ask as I usually drop 500grams a day. Didn't make it to the gym last night bit we are going tonoght. Plus tomorrow night too I think. I have heaps to do this weekend so hopefully the numbers keep going down fast. Well thats me. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Gah only 300grams wahhhh. Still 5.75kgs to go and 10 days to do it. My hip still hurts but I'm going to the gym today. On other news I passed the exam so I'm done now with university. Woohoo now for the hard work to look ok for graduation. I need to be in the 90s by then so no more slacking off. I found a new brand of frozen meals that taste like real food and a few sit under 300cals yay. They are Michelle Bridges brand. I got my blood test results back the other day and my fatty liver is gone but sadly no change in my cholesterol level. Must remedy this next. Other then that my bloods were perfect. Well that's me. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Well I'd love the say that things improved with my eating and that I stopped gaining but sadly that didn't happen. I gained another kg or so. Now at my highest weight this year. Oh onward and downward now hopefully. I'm determined to lose more then 6 kgs in the next 11 days. Today diet is back on track. Aiming for 1200. If that goes ok and I don't feel like binging then tomorrow around 1000cals. Then just going to keep trying to drop the cals. I was planning to go the gym tomorrow night after work but I'm worried. My hip is killimg me. Started aching on my birthday and is getting worse. The pain woke me up last night so had a long day tired and in pain. Going home to soak in a hot bath and take some codeine. Hopefully I'll be ok to go to the gym then. Well thats me. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Well what a fat fucking failure I am. 2 kgs gained in 2 days. Today will be better but still not perfect. Going to start walking during lunchtimes amd going to the gym after work with the girls from work next week. No more excuses. I don't have to study, I'll precook meals for the family so all excuses gone. New goal is to be under 112.5kgs by the 29th. That will mark one year since I started the lastest weight loss effort and I want it to be with a 30kg loss. Disgusting part is that even then I will still have another 50kgs to lose to get to my goal. July is my graduation (touch wood) and I want to be under 92.5kgs. Going to Thailand in August so I'd like to be 85kgs by then so I have a buffer to stay under 90lgs while I'm there but still eat. I want to try heaps of different food and I'm quite adventurous so who knows might even try bugs hahaha. Will be spending heaps of time swimming and walking so hopefully I won't gain too much. They are...
Hi Lovelies, Well I weighed in only 200grams lighter. So no goal met. My birthday has been full of food. Tomorrow will be the same. I'm trying to ignore the voice in my head and enjoy the time celebrating with my family and friends. I will get back on track Friday. Ok better go now it's nearly time to get off the train. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, So I'm 33 tomorrow gah. Not where I thought I'd bè when I was little lol. Actually no thats not true I'm exactly where I thought I'd be. Wish I was closer to fetting a mortgage then I am. Will be having my first trip out of Australia this year. Still waiting for a proposal not at all patiently lol. Sadly my chances of getting in the 113s by tomorrow are remote. My own fault for self sabotaging by stress eating. Yesterday I did hopefully my last exam for my degree. Next goal is lose 20kgs in the next 6 months to look better in Graduation photos. I feel like crap today. My stomach is bloated and hurting. I feel low and off. Want to go home and have a bath and go to bed. Well this is my last post as 32. See you all when I'm 33. Much Love
Hi Lovelies, When I weighed in this morning the scales said I had lost 1.5 kgs. I'm not getting excited because I think it was a false reading. I'm so far behind in my study for this exam. I have not cooked all the meals I should have by now. I have been a bitch to my lovely boyfriend. Basically today is not great. I have felt unwell and off all day. I think its because I'm constipated. Going to have a cup of senna tea soon so hopefully I'll have some movement's tomorrow. Food has been ok but not great. The food I am eating is really good and nutrient dense unfortunately my calories are too high. Last night I skipped dinner to drink with the girls. Got drunk really fast and didnt drink too much. Today I sacrificed lunch for a few drinks tonight. I'm consuming what myfittnesspal has recommended basically which is 1440 cals. I look forward to hopefully a real reading tomorrow. Would love todays to be true because then I'm only 2.2kgs off my birthday goa...
Hi Lovelies, Yay lost 1.1kgs surprisingly. Wasn't expecting aloss or a very minimal one. Intake yesterday was around 1250cals. Mostly it was super healthy. I'm still 3.6kgs off my birthday goal which is in 5 days. Still doubting that I'll get there. Feeling a little freaked about Monday's exam. Work has gobbled up my lunch breaks where I was hoping to study. Oh well just have to smash it out this weekend. I have organised the doctors for monday morning since I have taken the day off for the exam. I need to get bloods taken to see if my cholesterol has lowered and whether I still have fatty liver. I've lost 25kgs hoping that has helped. Also need a pap smear to find out why I don't get periods. Also need a referral to a dermatologist for my skin condition. Then I have a day off two weeks later for my sons first day at a new school where I can get all my results. Hoping to get my hair done tonight hopefully. Well thats me. Much Love, JB xoxo
Morning Lovelies, Down another 500grams. This time I feel like I deserve it. Still 4.3kgs off birthday goal. Hoping after I take some laxatives on the weekend I will lose quite a bit. I haven't been able to go to the toilet properly for like a week and its making me feel pretty lousy. I don't know why it popped in my head but I was just thinking on how sad it makes me feel that one day my partner is going to figure out that my eating disorder is active again. I know he will be upset, angry, concerned etc. It sucks knowing that I will have to lie to him and that will hurt him the most. I am not going to delude myself or anyone else that I won't be dishonest with him about my eating to protect my disorder. No one who never has had eating problems will understand the level of comfort and security that comes with it. That it is like a companion that never leaves your side. Whats sad is that I feel this way about something that wants to destroy my life. The rational part...
Hi Lovelies, Somehow I managed to lose weight. Half a kg even. I don't deserve it though I binged on pizza. 5 fucking slices. Plus a sliver of cake and a third of a piece of fudge. I stopped counting once I got to 1600cals but I probably consumed near 2000. So yes weight loss is unexpected. Thought the number would go up jot down. Found my new fave thing at work. I can use the coffee machine to make chai lattes which are only 32 cals each as opposed to the 120 cals for the ones from the coffee shop downstairs. Today if I don't binge will be just under 1000 cals. I need to get lower but will wait until I stop feeling the urge to binge. I really need to find some amino acids. Flavour without the calories yum yum. Well nearly at work now. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Well I didn't lose but then I also didn't gain. Wasn't really expecting a loss so all is good. Well maybe not good but acceptable. Will be better today as I bought some healthly food to snack on like blueberries and baby cucumbers. About to calculate my calories for the day. I slept so poorly last night today is going to be a struggle. I also forgot my glasses again and am already getting a headache. Have to go get my precription checked for my eyes and get a pair for work and a pair for home. Oh well going to veg out the rest of my trip. Much Love, JB xoxo
Hi Lovelies, Hope everyone had a safe Christmas and New Years. I'm on the train heading back to work boooo! Well Christmas was ok fairly uneventful. Managed to not eat and not gain. Only for a few days then the kgs came on like crazy. I put on 3kgs in the 10 days I had off. My birthday is in 9 days and my goal if getting under 113kgs is looking doubtful. Today would be ok sitting around 100pcals but partner who still has this week off wants to cook dinner tonight. BBQ chops and corn. So now my cals are looking around 1500. I could skip food all day but as I'm already hungry all that would do is lead to a binge tonight. I noticed a few of you gave started making your goals for 2016. I have been thinking but I don't have any goals besides to keep losing weight and get a pay raise. I do want to be a better mother this year I think I was a little slack last year and paid the price with bad behaviour. I need to clean out my mind, I am quite negative which I don't like....