Happy BIrthday to me......................... Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yesterday was even worse than Saturday. I held off eating til lunch. Ate a salad and had a coffee. Waited a while for my hunger to go away. It didn't. Then I started eating anything and everything. Purged a little but not much as I was worried I would get caught. Laxatives barely did anything. So have gained nearly two kilos in two days. My own damn fault. I never want to do that to myself again. I felt awful. My stomach was so full and hurting so bad. I felt like garbage.

I'm hungry today but working through it. I know it will pass and I just need to allow my stomach to shrink again. If I overeat it will take longer.

I have been reading through my blog. I am so annoyed that I kept fucking up and started eating properly again. If I'd just stuck with it I would be at my goal by now. I'm sick of failing at everything. I just want to be successful in something and being skinny would be the best thing to successful in.

My lunch break is nearly over and I don't feel like going back to work. So unmotivated and care factor is low. Not good since I'm doing my job and my bosses job while she is on annual leave. I'm getting through it but definately not giving 100%. I'm usually an over archiever so not like me at all. Oh well it's just a period of time it'll pass.