I feel so defeated today. My weight is up again, this time 900 grams. Wtf. I ate slightly more yesterday but still under 1000cals. I'm hungry and starving myself has seemed to stop working so why not eat. I want to eat normal. I want a sandwich. I was hot fries or roasted potatoes. I must resist. I must keep going knowing that eventually my body will get past this point and the number will go down. God I'm so angry today. Not wanting to sound like a whiney bitch but it's not fair. Plus I've woken up hungry which sucks. I will hold off as long as I can then I might make a 100cal waffle. I feel like something that resembles bad food today and a 100cap waffle with 10cal salted caramel sauce sounds like it'll do the trick.
I know I've been quiet of late. I'm trying hard at recovery ATM. Harder than before. Really trying to dig deep into the emotions that lay behind it. My partner is trying to support me the best way he can by checking in with how my mental health is is. And I'm honest with him. I tell him when my head is loud or I just feel numb. Food is still scary and anxiety still occurs. I've stopped counting calories and it's really fucking hard. I still weigh daily but I'm sure that will stop over time. I put on a kg very fast once I told my partner. I have lost that and my body seems to be comfortable at the 113.5 mark ATM. I have also started eating raw vegan.im going to try and stay raw most of the time for summer. I only relapsed for two months but I felt how quickly my body deterioted and felt malnourished. Now I'm nourishing my body and my soul. I've started doing yoga. Today is the first day in ages I've felt good and up and genuinely happy. It's ...
Comments
Post a Comment