Grin for Thin

Welcome to my 22nd follower although I feel rather undeserving. I am failing, I am gaining weight I can feel it and on top of that TMI I am seriously constipated. I got another 3-4 days to see out yet god help me please. I hate myself so much right now. I am eating about 2000 calories a day. Cannot wait to start the master cleanse as soon as mum leaves. I feel so heavy from the food and the sadness at myself. JB xoxo

Hi everyone and a big hello and welcome to my 21st follower :) . So quick update mother is still here and it has been uhmmmm interesting. Mother nature decided to visit the same day she got here hahahahah bad fucking mix. So I am mega bloated and feel fat from that. BUT I have been good calorie wise no binges. Well on the 24th I weighed in at an extra 400 grams then the day before but it was all period related and I consumed 730 calories. The 25th I weighed 93.7 kgs so lost 400 grams plus the other 400 grams from the periods and consumed 790 calories. Today I couldn't weigh myself and I consumed 862 calories (the calories snuck up on me today). I am hoping to be able to weigh myself in the morning because not knowing is killing me. Well off to bed now before another trying day with my mum still here arghhhhhhhhhhh. JB xoxo

Well the dreaded but expected plateau has arrived. I guess it is a good thing my calories are going to be upped today as the liquid fast is over as my mother is coming to stay for a week. But I am more determined than ever to stay in control. This is just one obstacle for me to overcome and triumph. Food does not hold the power over me anymore. Last week I got a scratch on my hand by a thorn and now it is healed with just a faint scar but some how I got a scratch on my upper arm on the other one, don't know how and I do not like it. It reminds me of my cutting days. No offense to the self-harmers just not my thing or look anymore. Depending on what time my mum is getting here today I want to go for a walk. Have to start getting back into exercise and stop making excuses. Well tomorrow is officially the first day of school for my baby boy I cannot believe it. Nearly cried washing his lil uniforms last night. Well not sure how much I will be able to come on here over the ne...

Well I am extremely happy lost another 1.2 kgs like WOW. I honestly thought I was going to plateau out. Well now I am only 5.6 kgs away from my February 28th deadline which as long as I don't go stupid when mums here for maybe upto a week (fuck) I should hit and most likely exceed quite easily. I think I can control myself now because I am so close now to not being in the obese BMI category and nearly back at my pre-pregnancy weight that I cannot see myself sabotaging. I am going to find my 3 goal outfits this week and hang them up in my room. They are not super skinny clothes just ones form when I was thinner then I am now. I have been looking for my birthday dress for my 30th which isn't for a year yet but if I find it I will buy it in a skinny size so I know that is the size I need to be by then. I am feeling really good atm about it all and I even resisted a binge last night. I decided I wanted to binge and was going to have a can of vege stew that came to 353 ca...

So lost another 400 grams, which I know I should be happy with but I am not . Yes it is nearly half a kg and yes it is a pound but meh yesterday I only consumed only 188 calories I was hoping for more. But on the plus side I only consumed 188 calories yesterday :) feeling pretty darn proud of myself for that. And it was easy, I didn't even feel hungry it was fantastic. Finally getting back my mojo and it feels great. Although I did have weird dreams about a box of chocolate, you know the sorts with nuts in the middle or the gooey stuff which was bizarre I haven't had chocolate like that for ages because I haven't found any vegan friendly ones (which is good because no temptation there). Well I am thinking of doing the baby food diet when my mother leaves, but instead of the 14 servings a day I will have 3 and definitely no main meal at night. Has anyone else tried it? Well that is me for now. JB xoxo 20th of January 2012 Food Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (41) Lunch...

So day 3 of liquid fast and I lost another 400 grams since yesterday. I have lost 1.5kgs in almost three days, not to shabby. I love how my body responds to fasting. I just hope I don't plateau out to soon, I only have 3 days left until mum gets back. Spent a fortune on school uniforms and supplies for my son officially broke now. And that has been about it. Ok going into the tmi section now, I am really struggling with constipation and laxatives yesterday only did a lil so not looking forward to hammering my body with a large amount but must be done. JB xoxo 19th of January Food Breakfast: 3 cups of coffee (68) Lunch: Spinach soup (126) Dinner: Spinach soup (126) Snacks: 4 cherry tomatoes pureed (12), 1 cup of chai tea (21) Exercise None but sweated while doing housework Total net calories: 348

Wow lost 1.1 kgs since yesterday. And now I am only 7.6 kgs from my Feb 28th deadline. I realized that I did my measurements the other day and forgot to add them on here I will do it further down the post. So this is my lowest weight for a few years and it is making me so motivated to keep going. I started liquid fasting again yesterday with surprising ease. Hoping today is as easy and maybe see really exciting results by tomorrow. My mother is coming to stay next week for how long I do not know and this frightens me, it means I cannot be super strict like this. I think if I am prepared with lots of salads and soups because my mother knows I love soups for dinner and thankfully is calorie ignorant , I just might fly under the radar. I will remind her that I need to hit my goal weight before uni starts and that she will have to sort herself out for food, best thing is she will be supportive and because of my binges since Christmas I haven't lost enough to be...

Ate heaps the last 2 days gained 600 grams :(. Do not know what is wrong with me. I will never get to my goal at this rate. It is like everytime I have to eat because mum is here etc, I go overboard. Must behave myself today. I do not really have much else to say for myself right now. Hope everyone is doing better. JB xoxo

OMG I am so ecstatic right now. I woke up and got on the scales and 96.6 kgs holy snapping duck shit I lost 1.3 kgs since yesterday, that is amazing that is my largest weight loss ever in one day. I also checked my measurements last night since I had not done it in 2 months and was please with some of the results. I finally feel like it is all falling into place. I feel super tired today and I do not know why. About to have my 3rd cup of coffee and hope that perks me up. i decided I am going to do the master cleanse next month as I have used it before and got great results. I am now 8.8 kgs away from my February 28th deadline. One of the main things I look forward to about going back to uni is seeing all the pretty skinnies on campus and that will help keep me motivated and super focused. Well that is me for today. JB xoxo 15th of January 2012 Food Breakfast: 4 cups of coffee with higher cal sweetener :s and regular soy milk (379) Lunch: Vegan Shrim...

Yay back to normality. After 2 days of eating  only gained 700 grams extremely relieved. Calorie intake allowed today is 600. Got alot to do to do sorting stuff out, throwing stuff out. Brought some slimming tea so cannot wait to get into it. Must start getting better weight loss than I have it has been going to slow and alot of the reasons are because of being interrupted by outside influences but I need to stop making excuses and start saying NO! I have 45 days to weigh at least 88.5 kgs which means I need to lose 9.4 kgs and this can be done if I stop pussy footing around. This month is going to be very busy getting my life organised. I can't live with all this chaos, I need an orderly and controlled lifestyle, environment and mind. Feeling excited about all the positive changes coming in my life. Well sitting here on my ass is not going to get all this happening so off I go to carpe diem. JB xoxo

A heap of friends have wished me a happy birthday and told me to have a great day. Well I won't there is food involved and my weight is not where I wanted it to be. But I plaster the fake smile on my face and say "awwwww thankyou". I am so depressed about today I am 29 and still horrendously fat, who would want to celebrate that? I just want to go to sleep until sunday when mum leaves again so I can avoid all the food and focus on getting thin and boney. Well that is all. JB xoxo

Not sure if I can post in the morning or at all the next few days although I hope to be able to. I have created a facebook page so please if any of you lovelies are on there please add (it is Josie Bones haha no real surprise there). Also if anyone is reading this and I am not following your blog please let me know so I can. Thanks Nasimiyu  for the birthday wishes and the hilarious comment on my wardrobe malfunction post. Well my house finally looks lovely again yay for not such a hot day. I will add today's calories tonight just in case I don't get a chance to get on here tomorrow. Well tomorrow nights food gah I do not want to think about but lots of asian food followed by vegan ice-cream and oreos fuck fuck fuck. But seriously would love people's opinions on the different diets out there like the abc, skd etc pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ( I do not sound needy at all lol). Well if I do not get to catch up on your blogs over the next few day's I wish you well with...

First off just want to say a big thankyou to Marti  for you nice comment cannot believe you love my blog. It has made my day. I think it will take me a few days to get caught up on yours. Struggling to get motivated today. Couldn't get to sleep last night so got up and cleaned and then slept in and struggled staying awake, thank goodness the coffee is finally starting to work. Ok I should have trusted my instincts I did gain even though MFP said I was in deficit gah because today I am at 97.6kgs. I do not know if I will hit 96.9 kgs by tomorrow I am damn sure going to try. Well my mother is coming back tomorrow for 2 days and it is my birthday tomorrow so eating will happen fuck. But after she leaves I am going to try a diet, not sure which one yet any suggestions please girls because my weight loss is going way to slow atm and I will never get down to 88.5 kgs by the start of my uni semester at this rate. I know I need to start exercising again but I just cannot handle ...

had an awkward moment today when half way through the day I went to the toilet in the shopping centre to discover you can see my bra through my top so I rushed into target and got a new non see through top. I also a pair of tights which are super cute but on me look awful but I wore them around the city so that every time I saw my reflection it would remind me and reaffirm why I am doing this, because I have noticed my will waning of late. So forgot to get batteries again............................ So still not totally sure what I weigh gah but I went with the logical number that flashed up of 97.2. I think I may have made a mistake their as I look so puffy today and feel like I have gained. Slept in this morning so had to rush and couldn't blog so that is why I am doing it now. Had a relaxing day escaping the heatwave we are having with the aircon shopping centre. I went and saw the new sherlock holmes movie yummmm I drool for Robert Downey Jnr. Went and checked ou...

I spent the whole day out walking around, swimming, playing with children and eating. I had the best time with my son he was smiling from ear to ear all day and it made my heart sing. I felt so relaxed that when it got to 600-700 calories I still wasn't concerned. The problem I think was that I entered in my exercise and saw that I had already burned off 2080 I was like 'hmmm I can relax a lil because I am still going to be deficit today'. Other problem was that my binge last night stretched my stomach and I was really hungry today and also I had money. Today my head was so peaceful and calm and I was genuinely happy. I felt normal (well as normal as I can ever feel) but sadly then I came home and the guilt kicked in, I ate 1,284 calories and even though according to myfitnesspal I  am still in deficit of 796 for the whole day I am freaking out that I will wake up to a gain. So I am praying to Ana with all my heart that MFP is right and that I will not...

OMG I swear it is so hot my brain is melting out of my ears. Good news is I am going to wallow down at the pool today all day. Bad news I am fat and look scary in a swimsuit. Ok lost 300 grams since yesterday not that much but a loss is a loss. I also had 2 b/p sessions yesterday, I just couldn't control the hunger not sure where my willpower went but I need it back. So friday is my birthday and my gw for then is 95kgs which means I need to lose 2.7 kgs by then uhmmmm can't see it happening honestly, I would have to lose 900 grams a day for the next 3 days. But if I can at least be back to my pre xmas weight of 96.9 kgs that will be something. I start back at uni on the 28th of Febuary and I MUST weigh at least 88.5 kgs by then. Totally achievable I think just have to not binge and if I do only binge at night when I can purge. So my mothers staying a few days over the weekend fuckkkkkkkkkkkk but I Publish Post  must be strong and eat lots of low cal salads. Well I best be going...

Must start having early nights or going back to uni is going to kill me. Stayed up til the wee hours of the morning watching supersize vs superskinny. So not sure on this because I need to replace the batteries in my scales but I think I lost 500 grams again. Hate not knowing for sure it makes me feel nervous. Got half my house clean but not until the sun went down it was far to hot before that to do anything but watch pokemon with my son. I do not see today being much different so will relax until it is cooler and then finish my room and bathroom. Nasimiyu  please feel free to lovely :) Well that's all folks JB xoxo 8th of January 2012 Food Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (46) Lunch: Vegan prawn (aka shrimp) and vegetable stir fry (125), and 3 glasses of an ice tea with pureed fruit (132) Dinner: Usual soup (124) Snacks: Half a juice box frozen (57) Exercise None gah Total net calories: 486

OMG it is a real summer day today gah feel all gross and sweaty. Oh well means I will sweat more while I am spring cleaning. Got an mp3 player for myself with a gift card I got for xmas so gonna kill my eardrums while I clean all day. I lost 500 grams since yesterday, not as much as I had hoped but it is a loss. Other then that I felt like I was coming down with something yesterday. Not so much today which is good. I have like 15 different emotions whirling around inside me at the moment that I am having trouble typing this. But it is part of my routine to blog with my morning coffee so that is what I am doing. Well I am hoping all the moving around today will give me a better weight loss tomorrow. JB xoxo 7th of January 2012 Food Breakfast: Soy latte with nativa natural sweetener (132) Lunch: 1 lychee (6), 4 thin rice cakes with promite (132) Dinner: The soup I usually have (124), vegan tuna (156) Snacks: sugar free lollies (12), 1/2 juice box frozen (57) Exercise 15 min ...

Well I am back and have been eating, mainly carbs. Gained back 1.1 kgs in like 2-3 days fuck fuck. OMG 20 followers now wow thanks guys :D. Uhmmmmm besides alot of eating and self loathing not much has been going on. Wish I never left home I would be 95kgs by now instead of 99kgs. I have 3 days to lose as much as I can before I have to eat again as my family are taking me out for my birthday to dinner at this vegan restaurant on tuesday I have not been to yet. My birthday is actually next friday but tuesday works for everyone. Ok my next goal is to be at 95 kgs on my birthday. Hope I can do it. 4 kgs in 6 days is a big ask. Well going to catch up on everyones blogs. Missed you girls so much JB xoxo

So just found out I gotta get ready and drive to the next state real quick which is like 3 hours away fuckity fuckity. Ok I stopped bingeing after I posted last night did the damage check was not as bad as first thought was 1140 calories still way to fucking high. Didn't lose anything today no shock there but didn't gain anything either very lucky. Well I have to go now see you all in 2 days. JB xoxo

I am in mega binge mode so far 1400 calories and I am still going wtf is going on???? I don't happened I was good all day then bam went on an eating attack and am clearing out food at a fast rate. There goes any chance of a loss tomorrow fuck fuck fuck. I am a worthless piece of shit. JB

So I was desperate for a good night sleep so I took some drowsy allergy medicine to help knock me, which it did well. The downside I was  stuck in the one nightmare all night fighting and running for my life and I couldn't wake up cos of the pills. Still feeling really freaked and cant stop shaking plus still a lil drowsy. On other news I lost 700 grams (finally a proper loss). Yesterday I did well calorie wise only 272 for the whole day woot. Well that is all I got for now. JB xoxo 3rd of January 2012 Food Breakfast: cup of coffee (23) Lunch: None Dinner: Double soup size of V8 vegetable juice, carrot juice, low sodium vegetable stock and toffuti soy cream cheese (249) Exercise None but walked around a shopping centre for a few hours Total net calories: 272

All was going well until BAM major toothache that codeine ain't even touching so I am feeling miserable and in pain. To top ot off I lost a tiny 100 grams in 2 days grfujhjkfjkdhfumdn. So today is nothing but liquids and not going over 350 calories. Well sorry for my downer post that is all I got right now. JB xoxo 2nd of January 2012 Food Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (48) Lunch: Watermelon (135) Dinner: Soup made out of V8 vegetable juice, carrot juice, low sodium vegetable stock, tofutti soy cream cheese and cayenne pepper (124). A bunch of other stuff that I cbf typing in but all up dinner came to 606 calories (fuck!!! I had a hungry day today) Exercise 45 minutes walking (187) 15 minutes of swimming (147) the water was cold ok Total net calories for the day 457

So I didn't lose anything which kinda sucks but I am not too bothered, weird. I feel quite peaceful atm, so much so that my Plateau isn't bumming me out. I found a new tea and it is divine, it is rose and french vanilla and it makes you feel pretty just drinking it and no calories woot. Well I have my low calorie sweetener in it so in a cup it has 1.2 calories, totally addicted. Totally bummed out about my uni timetable this semester a whole lot of ewww classes but oh well it happens. Going to spend the day with my son swimming and relaxing yay. Well mind is feeling blank now so I guess that's my cue to go. JB xoxo 1st of January 2012 Food Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee (46) Lunch: Salad and 2 thin rice cakes with hummus (169) Dinner: Green beans with balsamic vinegar (100), soup made from V8 vegetable juice, carrot juice, tofutti  soy cream cheese and cayenne pepper (120) Snacks: 1/2 frozen fruit box (57), 10 tsp of natural sweetener for cup of teas...