Grin for Thin

Yay lost 700 grams. I have lost 1.2 kgs in 2 days and I have been eating between 600-800 calories a day wow. Huge day today heaps of cleaning then a guy friend is coming over to help me work on my computer that I am having hardware issues with then will probably game through the night yewwwwwww. Meanwhile I am tired and feeling totally unmotivated to all this lol. Well mum comes back tonight :( . God I hope she doesn't stay here for long. I want to be alone so I can do my thing. Am going to use protein shakes as a diversion that I am eating because she will fall for that and my nightly soups that way I can still liquid fast. If she raises any eyebrows I will eat rice cakes and salad. I should still be able to lose weight this way I hope. Anyways I am going to enjoy the last day of for sure fasting. JB xoxo

Restricting = instant happiness. I am not kidding when I eat I get depressed and when I starve myself I am happy lol yeah I am so normal :p notttttt. Well I lost 500 grams which is a lil over a pound I think. Well yesterday went well kept it to 745 calories. No bingeing yay. I love when I read on myfitnesspal "you are eating too few calories" :)  shuttup bitch I am doing good. Decided to change my blog design, needed something new and as I am poor and cant afford the shoes and jumpsuit I really really really want I will have to take comfort with changing my blogger lol. Well cannot think of much else to say right now. Hope everyone is having a good day. JB xoxo

Hi Girls, Sorry I have been absent, I lost willpower for awhile. I didn't gain as much back as I thought I would have phew! Seemed to get back to 102.4 kg quickly but maintained at that. That makes me more motivated to gett back under 100 kgs again as it is not that far which is good. Already hungry so will allow myself upto 800 calories today if needed. Going to snack on plain rice cakes (24 cals per serve) , my spicy creamy tomato soup (55 calories per serve) and maybe a pear (48 calories each) or an apple (50 calories each) plus my regular 3 coffees and lots of water. Found out a friend died of a drug overdose this week, it is so sad. I have cried alot for her since I found out, I had really barracked for her to kick the habit. I am not really sure how I can do this when my mum is here but I have to find a way. Would love any tips ladies. It is really hard to hide uneaten food and purge when I am in a 1 bedroom tiny unit with my mum staying here so what I eat I must keep down ...

Welcome to my 12th follower thankyou! Gah I think I caught my sons cold. Got no time for being sick dammit. Well somehow miraculous I managed to lose 200 grams, amazing considering the binge I had last night. Thank god for laxatives I say. Well I am determined to get myself back in control and stop bloody eating. Food does not solve anything. I think I was too restrictive yesterday which meant failure. After eating for a week to trying to not eat a bite was too much. Will increase calories today to 500 if I have to, to stave off another binge. Will be doing a combination of sleeping and housework oh and exercise later today. I will be thin one day dammit. So I have alot to do the next few days and unfortuantly food will be eaten as my mother will be back fuck fuckity fuck. My own fault for being weak these past few days, totally blew my window to drop some decent numbers on the scale. Oh well I go away on wednesday and come back friday and have solitude until monday so will go...

Ate again, zero willpower. I am a disgusting fat pig. JB

OK so I weighed in and yep gained back 2.5kgs bugger! Am not surprised though, actually thought it would have been more. Ok so got my game face back on. I gotta go hard and fast for the next few days. Next week is going to suck my mum will be back here and I am going to a wedding for a few days so I will have to eat as they have gone out of their way to cater some vegan food for me. Honestly cannot see me getting under 100kgs by then. To be honest I have lost my drive and I am really depressed atm. I miss intimacy, I miss having a boyfriend. I keep trying to remind myself that I need to lose weight for that to happen because no one is going to want me looking like this. I saw this girl on the bus the other day she was sooooooo thin. I put my glasses on so I could stare at her without her knowing lol felt like a stalker, but she was gorgeous you could even see her spine popping out. Biggest real life thinspo ever. So plans today are to spend the day swimming with my s...

OK so been out of control and hate myself even more then usual because of it. I have been eating healthy food but far too much of it. Am scared to see what the scales say tomorrow. I have a few days where I can be free to fast so that is a relief. I am going out tomorrow so that will keep me occupied. JB xoxo

Gained a kg. Back in triple digits :( Josie xoxo

I couldn't weigh in today mum was hovering around and she knows I weighed myself yesterday so cannot be letting her see me all obsessive. Stayed under 1000 cals today just total in 924 cals total out from exercise 554 cals. So net today is 370 which isn't too bad I suppose but so taking some laxatives tonight I feel so bloated. I ended up exercising for 1 and half hours finally today. I am going to step it up hardcore when mum leaves and resume liquid fasting. So I do not know if I have lost anything or gained anything and it is doing my head in. I hope I can get on the scales in the morning and see. I hope for a loss but would settle for plateau please Ana anything but a gain, I beg you. Hope everyone is doing better then me atm. JB xoxo

So quick post. My mother got back yesterday wasn't too bad stuck to a calorie intake of 238 and burned 408 calories with exercise so deficit of 170. Gah today I ate like a "normal" person and consumed about 1300-1400 calories and NO EXERCISE. God dammit. The worst part of all this is I weighed in at 99.7 kgs this morning. Finally hit my FGW and no doubt totally blew it with the food today. The killer? god damn trail mix. They were there in a bowl so I kept eating them. I ate mainly healthy food but fuck first day and I eat over 1000 cals. Tomorrow must not repeat this!!!!!!! I am scared of what the scales will say tomorrow. I know what they will say "fat pig, fat pig, fat pig" :( . JB xoxo

No, no, no, no..... My mother is coming to stay here earlier then she said possibly tonight or the latest tomorrow. I am not ready for her to get here yet I need to be well past 99.9 kgs before she gets here. Won't happen though. Lost 1kg of the mystery weight but still 400 grams from my FGW. I am hoping to get there by tomorrow. Will go hard today, I want to exercise at least an hour and a half today plus work up a sweat finishing cleaning my house today. Yesterday was really good only 190 calories woot woot and exercise I think I was 45 cals in deficit. Plan on a larger deficit today. Well I will post some thinspo so I can delete it off my computer so I do not have to try and explain why I have pics of bone thin women in my pictures folder. JB xoxo

I forgot to add my measurements in this mornings post. So here they are as follows: 103 cms Waist. Loss of 1 cm 126 cms Hips. Loss of 2 cms 113 cms Bust. Gain of 1 cm :s 70 cms Thighs. Loss of 3.5 cms 36 Cms Upper Arms. Loss of 1 cm 48 Calves. Loss of 1 cm. Not a huge amount but am happy with the thigh loss. A cm gain on the breasts? They do feel firmer can muscle increase the size? Well that is all I got tonight. Hoping to wake up to some exercising news on the scales tomorrow. It is beating me down atm. JB xoxo

How can I gain 1.1kgs from a 500 calories day? I think it is water weight from the salt I added to my soup cos I accidently put too much in. I am honestly in whats the point mode. I think I failed the exam and now with this, well I just want to binge and eat everything in my mother fucking house. I will not though today I will clean and exercise maybe take some laxatives and hope that the extra weight is off by tomorrow. I honestly was expecting to be just under my FGW of 100kgs or actually 99.9kgs (I really want to see double digits). I was only 300grams away yesterday. Well I am in a foul mood and am going to take it out on myself by getting my heart rate up and get sweating. JB xoxo

Ok so I think I am ready for this exam tomorrow. Phewwwwwwww. Welcome to my 11th follower Sienna-Rose and thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I will go and follow your blog as well. I have been tired all day and now that I can finally get to bed I am wide awake dammit. Well the past 2 days cals have been the same 213 in and 227 out.  May go up to 238 tonight will see how I feel after my shower. Well other then that I do not have much more to say today, my brain has shutdown on me. So off to bed to get some sleep before my 5am alarm. Wish me luck girls. JB xoxo

Today I feel like the star zombie in the movies night of the living dead. I wish I could sleep properly again. If I haven't had a good night sleep come Thursday night I am bombing myself out with sleeping pills. I don't know if it's the not eating or the upcoming exam causing it, probably a combination of both. Oh well last day to study then the exam tomorrow after that I am free until February. Yay cannot wait to stop studying for a lil while. I am going to try and work out like 2 1/2 hours everyday at least during my break. I want to see how much weight I can loose before next semester. Anyways dropped 800 grams since yesterday and if I do that again by tomorrow I will be at my FGW, very excited. Well I must get back to study gah. Josie xoxo

well only gained 1.2 kgs back less then I expected. Only 1.5 kgs to reach my FGW and it is so attainable. Other good news I get a few extra days before my mother gets her. So I think I have a week. I would love to get to 95 kgs by then so that I have a buffer if I overeat some days that I can stay under 100 kgs. I never want to be in triple digits again once I get under it. So after my exam this week my son has his school orientation day which will be so cute, meeting his teacher and school mates. I cannot wait for the sleepovers. To hear the lil voices in hushed talking and laughter. To go in and pretend to be firm and tell them to go to sleep meanwhile smiling inside because I am happy I can give my son a good life. That my son can have sleepovers because his mum isn't past out drunk at the kitchen table. I love my mum but she robbed me of my childhood and I feel so blessed that I have the strength to turn my bad experiences into the force that drives me to give my son the best m...

Hi to my tenth follower and thankyou. Well I feel like crap. Food is evil and it genuinely makes me feel like shit. I feel tired and heavy and everything is just hard. Cannot wait to wake up tomorrow and restart the liquid fast woohoo bring it on and to get under 100 kgs. Have my major exam on Wednesday so all I will be doing is study and exercise and Thursday I will burn some serious calories cleaning cos my house is a trash heap. It would be a lie to say I ate guilt free today because I felt shame and guilt everytime I put something in my mouth. OMG so many carbs and sugars soooooo putrid. But a few people said I was looking good and that it was obvious I had lost some weight so that felt nice. On the downside I don't think the guy is into me :( . Well actually I think the fact that I have a child is the deal breaker for him and if so fuck him he doesn't deserve me or my son. I do not often talk about my son on here because I do feel guilty about my eating beh...

Well I nearly got to my FGW today just shy of 500 grams. You know what I am actually happier I didn't because if I had and I ate today tomorrow would have me back in the triple digits and that would just be depressing. So today I am going to go have fun, eat whatever I want and come back refreshed and ready to liquid fast again. Yesterday was tough could feel the wanting to binge come on but I stuck at it because I knew today was a obsessing about food free day. Just for today I am going to pretend I am a person who can eat normally and be happy hahahaha such an act. I do get to meet the boy today kinda excited, kinda nervous and want to throw up. And I got my periods last night so got cramps, headache and worst of all period bloat. The last part is the worse because I have been working my arse off and my stomach has been looking flatter. Well the combination of liquid fasting and doing Jillian Michaels workouts is definately working wonders. Well I better go pretty up now. See you...

I am absolutely blown away by my body at the moment and its weight loss capacity. I lost a whopping 1.3 kgs since yesterday. I cannot believe the weight loss this week I have had some big numbers. I love liquid fasting it works so well. Now I can't see me loosing 1.2 kgs by tomorrow so wont hit my FGW like I wanted but still feeling pretty good about this week. Tomorrow is a food day then I am going to liquid fast until my mum gets here. I am freaking out about how I am going to do this when she is here. At least the woman has no clue to how much calories things have so if I can keep it under 1000 cals a day while she is here I can still lose weight. It will be hard because she triggers emotions off in me and then I want to eat to deal with them gah. But I am doing so well I must remain strong. JB xoxo

Ok I just did work out 1 of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and it was mean. I sweated like a mofo and was huffing and puffing. Loving the post workout endorphin's right now though. Just thought I would tell you girls about it in case anyone was interested lol.  So if all goes right cals in today will be 213 and cals out from exercise are 228. Well I am going back to study now. JB xoxo

Well just a quick post have a friend due to arrive shortly. Only lost 100 grams since yesterday which sucks but I spose it is normal after a big drop. Well done my measurements today and it has actually been 3 weeks not 2. Well here they are as follows: 37 cms Upper Arms. Loss of 2.5 cms 112 cms Bust. Loss of 4.5 cms 104 cms Waist. Loss of 10.5 cms (biggest drop, happy about that) 128 cms Hips. Loss of 7 cms 73.5 cms Thighs. Loss of 3 cms 49 cms Calves. Loss of 3 cms. Not too bad I guess. I am happy that my disgusting stomach is getting smaller. I had noticed the mothers apron thing I got going on is shrinking. I consumed 319 calories yesterday. No exercise. I think the reason I had a small loss is because I had a fair bit of salt last night so I think it is water weight. I am not too distressed because having a bowl of salted soup at 111 cals was worth having to prevent the binge I felt coming on. I will get some exercise today, drink loads of water to flush it out ...

Just hit my first goal weight, I have lost 10 kgs it took me 5 1/2 weeks which is longer then I would have wanted but oh well but then it is my own fault for having all those binges. I dropped a massive 1.1 kgs since yesterday which astounds me. I am looking forward to getting the tape measure out tomorrow and see what my measurements are. I wonder if I can meet my FGW by Sunday morning? Probably not but will be good to try. Yesterday I didn't get to exercise since I was at uni all day and I consumed 384 calories overall. Higher then I would like but it was mostly due to the soy latte's I have whilst at uni. Well I am going to do the dishes, exercise for abit, have a shower then study. JB xoxo

I forgot to welcome my 9th follower the other day. I am sorry I did notice you you were here and thank you for joining. Well damage has been undone so that's good. I am so tired, I never can get to sleep when I have things to get up early for the next day. I finally got to sleep but it was so late or should I say early, early in the morning. It was so cute I woke up this morning with my babies curled up on the bed. Son to my right and my cat towards the bottom of the bed. They looked so sweet. Well enough rambling from me I better get ready and go since I slept in. JB xoxo

Wow what a day! I got marks bark for an assignment and I got a high distinction. The best mark I have ever received since high school. I may have lost a friend over a facebook post but I really do not care and found the whole thing amusing as fuck. And the student loan I applied for came through and they over payed me 3X the amount I requested so had to deal with that. But I have been to darn excited about my marks to be bothered by anything today even my bad day yesterday. The laxatives I took last night worked well through the day and my calorie intake for the day is 168 and I went for a walk which burned 174 calories. So hoping for a half decent result on the scales tomorrow. Yay I also finally found the measuring tape, so I can do that on Friday and see if and how much I have lost since I did it 2 weeks ago. Well I am beat just been studying all night and have a big study session planned for tomorrow. Night night all JB xoxo