I hate my body. As I sat in bed last night moisturising all I could see was my fat bulging everywhere. I got so distressed to see just how much fat I have to lose I started to cry. I got up this morning and looked humungous in the mirror. I stood on the scales and 113.1. Fuck! I guess my binge day was a day late to arrive to my body but there it is. I deserve it. I don't expect a weight loss come my weekly weigh in tomorrow.

I sometimes wonder whats the point of losing weight. I'm getting closer to forty.  Even if I do lose weight my body is covered in psoriasis so I'll still dress like a Mormon. Plus I'll have so much baggy loose skin that I'll still be budget everywhere and I can't afford the $20k for a lower body lift, boob lift and upper arm skin removal.

I have to get my photo taken today for work. It will be going on the website. I look like shit today. No amount of hair straightening and make up is going to hide my hideous fat self. I was tempted to call in sick but had a day off last week for my migraine and my probation is coming up so thought better of it.