Gah 3 days of self sabotage. Three days of self hatred. Three days of punishing my body with food. So, so much food. I feel disgusting. I feel so heavy and lumpy. I'm up nearly 4kgs. I deserve all of it. I can't eat normally because I can't stop. I need to calculate every single thing that touches my lips. I can't go back and change anything I've done so now I need to just go forward and try and get back on track.

I'm super bloated and fat and have to go on camera today blurgh. My anxiety is super high today and I feel like throwing up. Oh well just gotta get through today and hopefully I will see a change tomorrow in weight to spur me on.

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