Either my scales are shit and don't work properly or my body is punishing me. Yesterday it said I had gained but I only ate 629 calories the day before so I could not believe it, would not believe it. And today they tell me I am back 91 kgs where I was 2 days ago. It is not fair I only ate 488 calories yesterday where is the shift. At first I was like fuck I am hungry I am going to eat whatever I want all day nothing is happening anyway. I was going to start with toast and peanut butter (around 400 cals) and then some noodles (600 cals) and that would have been just breakfast. Calmed myself down and yes I am hungry today and yes I will allow myself to eat a lil more today not sure how much more but will be under 1000 calories. It is day 4 of restricting always a notoriously super hungry day for me but if I succeed in not binging I should start feeling the giddy starving highs. My mother ins't coming down this weekend and as far as I know I am free to restrict until Easter Sunday. This makes me happy. Just hope I start seeing some drops on the scales. I miss my electronic digital ones. Well I am giving up giving up the coffee. I will not be drinking it daily but will have it now and again. I am going to go eat then study for the day.

JB
xoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
Yay the scales are finally moving. Another decent loss today of 1.2kgs. Only 4.1kgs to hit November's goal. Then only 500grams to get out of the 130's. I totally wish that for 12 months I didn't have to work. That I could just focus on loosing weight and getting fit. But sadly mumma's got bills to pay. Have to apply for a bunch of jobs today. Then have to meet with my job network provider which are totally useless. Then more housework. If I can get enough housework done today then tomorrow I can go to the beach for half the day. So with that I leave you with some beach thinspo! JB xoxo
Read more
Hmmmm 2 lectures to listen too and 5 chapters to summarise. I am already two days behind where I wanted to be. Besides watch biggest loser tonight and stopping for an hour to do a mammoth clean I will not leave my desk until I get the basic concepts of economics figured out. I hate economics so much. Still have to study for Law and Accounting. The panic is rising steadily and it is lodged in my throat atm, making me feel like I could throw up at any moment. I did something bad last night. I played around on cam with ex who has a girlfriend. What is wrong with me? I don't want to be one of those women that pursue other women's men. My loneliness is getting to the scary time where I start doing stupid and selfish things to get a feel good to ease the feelings of loneliness :(. Still flirting ith the vegan guy who at least is available but who knows where or if that will lead to. Well I lost 500 grams since yesterday but still 2.5kgs in 3 days is pretty good. Only 1kg away from w...
Read more
WTF is wrong with me. I binged....... again..... I purged......... again. Lucky the kids were too preoccupied with thier video games. I was able to go into my room, lock the door and turn the shower on and go about my business. But my partner gets home tomorrow and I can't lock him out of our bedroom. I can't lose control like that again. The first binge and purge was planned but this wasn't.  I pushed back eating too far and as I was ser ing dinner I thought fuck it I am going to eat to. It was butter chicken with naan bread so like a gazillion calories. I think I got most of it up in the end I was just dry heaving. Now I have a raging headache but I deserve it for being such a weak fat bitch. JB Xoxo
Read more