Stop it you silly girl

OMG fail, fail, and even more fail. Binged again yesterday this time on curry and rice . Total calorie intake yesterday 1,169 gah. I think I have located my trigger, I think it is nerves about being back at uni and freaking out that I won't do well. I really need to get top marks this semester because my GPA standing is shit atm and I want the options to do a further year of study once I am finished but I need a GPA of 5.5 minimum. But at least now I have located the most likely cause I can focus on my emotions and try to resolve them before I gain too much more back. At least I will be doing walking and swimming today so will burn abit of today's calories off. I plan to restrict again but I do not have complete faith in my will power understandably. I am trying not to beat myself up too hard about it because that will just make things worse and I will tend to binge more and more. Well I best get organised.

JB
xoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
Yay the scales are finally moving. Another decent loss today of 1.2kgs. Only 4.1kgs to hit November's goal. Then only 500grams to get out of the 130's. I totally wish that for 12 months I didn't have to work. That I could just focus on loosing weight and getting fit. But sadly mumma's got bills to pay. Have to apply for a bunch of jobs today. Then have to meet with my job network provider which are totally useless. Then more housework. If I can get enough housework done today then tomorrow I can go to the beach for half the day. So with that I leave you with some beach thinspo! JB xoxo
Read more
Hmmmm 2 lectures to listen too and 5 chapters to summarise. I am already two days behind where I wanted to be. Besides watch biggest loser tonight and stopping for an hour to do a mammoth clean I will not leave my desk until I get the basic concepts of economics figured out. I hate economics so much. Still have to study for Law and Accounting. The panic is rising steadily and it is lodged in my throat atm, making me feel like I could throw up at any moment. I did something bad last night. I played around on cam with ex who has a girlfriend. What is wrong with me? I don't want to be one of those women that pursue other women's men. My loneliness is getting to the scary time where I start doing stupid and selfish things to get a feel good to ease the feelings of loneliness :(. Still flirting ith the vegan guy who at least is available but who knows where or if that will lead to. Well I lost 500 grams since yesterday but still 2.5kgs in 3 days is pretty good. Only 1kg away from w...
Read more
WTF is wrong with me. I binged....... again..... I purged......... again. Lucky the kids were too preoccupied with thier video games. I was able to go into my room, lock the door and turn the shower on and go about my business. But my partner gets home tomorrow and I can't lock him out of our bedroom. I can't lose control like that again. The first binge and purge was planned but this wasn't.  I pushed back eating too far and as I was ser ing dinner I thought fuck it I am going to eat to. It was butter chicken with naan bread so like a gazillion calories. I think I got most of it up in the end I was just dry heaving. Now I have a raging headache but I deserve it for being such a weak fat bitch. JB Xoxo
Read more