WHY?!?!

I am so freaking hungry today and I do not know why. I have been so tempted to binge but have resisted. I was even eyeing off a 240 calorie tin of corn with my big fat eyes. So close to my first weight goal I will not stuff it up I refuse too. Bad enough I will be forced to eat when my lover arrives in 8 days. I have found some low cal vegan recipes still they range between 250-300 each argh. I so do not want to purge but I think I'll have to a bit when he is here. I just cant risk putting the weight back on I would die.
Today my cals were 229 the largest amount I have consumed for awhile. Maybe that is why I am so hungry. I wish I had an Ana buddy it is so lonely doing it by myself. I would reach out to someone but I feel so unworthy still. An obese anorexic is quite the bizarre paradigm. I feel I should clarify that I also suffer from Coe which is why I am huge but I feel so damned determined to kick Coe's fat arse outta my life. I love how Ana makes me feel so much better. I feel so driven and determined I love it.

Keep going strong everyone, you deserve it.

JB




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