Grin for Thin

Hi Lovelies, Down 1.2kgs yay. Now I'mdone with work until the new year yay. Now I have to go home and prepare food and get house ready for the morning. Fucking kill me now. I'm not ready for Christmas. I mean I have bought everything I need but just not mentally ready. I am trying to stay under 800 cals today so hoepfully I have a nice Christmas present of more weight loss before I put more back on gah. Stupid perpetual cycles. Oh well its only once a year. Well thats me. Merry Christmas Lovelies! Stay safe and look after yourselves. Much Love JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, God I'm a loser. Yesterday at work was hell. So my first reaction was to comfort myself with shitty food all day. Today another 300 grams loss. Plus my stomach hurts like a mofo. Another huge hellish day today. If I can just get my shit together and try and lose 1kg in the next 2 days that will be something. Going to allow myself toast for breakfast today because I need to concentrate. I nearly make a $50k fuck up yesterday. FUCKKKKK I'M SO TIRED! Going  to spend most of Christmas napping I can tell. Yay how exciting for my family. It's fucked. I don't get paid enough for this shit. I was at work for nearly 12 hours yesterday. 10 the day before. Who knows what today will be. Well thats my whingefest done. Much Love  JB  xoxo

Hey Lovelies, Wtf the numbers keep going up. Up another 300 grams today. But how. How can I gain off 970cals. I look puffy amd gross so I'm hoping it is water weight. Still this is not the way I wanted to be heading into Christmas. I am supposed to be losing not gaining FUCK. I'm angry. I hate myself and I hate my body. I used to be scared of food now I just keep making excuses about wuy I can eat stuff. That needs to stop. 113kg or under by the 13th fatty. Well I better go and do the Chridtmas food shop online before I get to my station. Much Love , JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well the weekend was a disaster. Gained around a kg. It is annoying because I can't work out why I gained from Friday. I should have maintained but hained 300 grams. Same gain from Saturday but I was really active and was at 300 cals net at the end of the day. This mornings gain wasn't surprising. I cracked the shits and thought fuck it, not losing anyway and ate a pizza followed by 4 crumpets wuth butter and honey. Today is not great but at least I'll be under 1000. So happy there is only 3 days of work left. Still super busy. Working on Christmas Eve is shit. It will be 7pm by the time I get home. Plus I'll be tired and will have heaps to do before I get to go to bed gah. I'm  hoping we will finish early but not counting on it. I have set a new and realistic goal since it's silly season. I want to be under 113kgs by the 13th of Jan which is my Birthday. That's around 4 kgs. I should be able to do that. Well that is me. Much Love, JB...

Hi Lovelies, This week was a cluster fuck. My finances leading into Christmas suck. Work was hell this week. We all had a glass of wine this afternoon and then I bummed a smoke off my colleague. So paranoid my partner will find out and get shitty at me. Good news is that I lost. 1.5kgs sunce yesterday. This is amazing since we ate at a steak house where I consumed 1/2 of a 1/2 rack of pork ribs, 1/3 of a tbonesteak and half a plate of chips. I ended up around 1100 cals for the day. Tonight we will be eating crap food court food again as we are off to see Star Wars. Then tomorrow catching up with friends for lunch. So food all around gah. My aim today was to consume very little before tonight, but that has backfired as I am already at 500 cals. I wish I was like most of the girls at work that can eat what and when they want and not get fat. They eat like normal people. They eat until they are full then stop. I'm just all or nothing. At least I'm not the fattest at work. Pr...

Hi Lovelies, I'm laying on my bed dressed and ready to go but procrastinating. Only lost 200 grams. Fuck tried to eat healthy yesterday. 1200 cals mostly healthy besides the half a brownie and small spoon of ice cream we had for one of the girls at works birthday. Tgats it today has to be under 800cals. Im taking my own coffee in even if I have 4 coffees it will be only 52 cals opposed to the to the 2 cafe ones i fet whivh come in as 120cals. I can do it under the guise of saving money.  I need to get safely under 115kgs by Christmas. I would love to get out of the 110's come bew year but can't see that happening. I won't grad now til winter so come then I dont want to be shopping in plus size shops for my grad dress. Hopefully I can get down to a dress size 16 if not smaller. Ok I better go or I'll be late. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Stupid me. I made chocolate fudge the other night for date night. Of course I've been gorging and binging on it since then. I'm good all day then after dinner I start shovelling that in my mouth like theres no tomorrow. I lost 500 grams yesterday. Today I lost nothing. At least I didn't gain. I need to go back to making Bella's whipped jelly. Haven't gotten any sicker my body is trying to fight it off. Yay finally hump day. I just want the weekend. Then four more days of work then I am off for 10 days over the christmas break. I can't wait to stop and slow down. Get back into exercise. Study for this freaking exam. Well I'm going to read some blogs. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, I'm getting sick. Not good. I notoriously comfort eat when I'm sick. I don't want to use sick leave yet. Other news is that today should be around 800 cals. Going home to soup, panadol and bed. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, I wish I could stop being so excessive. Just because I gave myself a few days off the strict regime doesn't mean that I needed to eat everything. 2.8kgs gain in 3 days. Ruined all my hard work so now have to start again. I feel like shit my stomach hurts so bad. I deserve it. Well hopefully I can lose my hain this week and get back on track. Sydney was ok the party was fun but the flights sucked because I hate flying. I danced heaps was so good. Tried not to get a hangover but failed which was annoying. I diluted my drinks and drankwater. Was nearly sober by the time I went to bed but still woke up seedy as fuck. So not ready for work today. Slept poorly. My partner got up and turned the fan down so I sweated to death. Forgot my pass to get up to my floor so will have to wait until someone else from my office is going up. Well I'm going to read some of your blogs now. Much Love, JB xoxo

I woke up and weighed 115 even. Which in hindsight is better then in getting under then that amd seeing the number fo up. I think I'll be back in yhe 116s tomorrow. Ate so much tonight like three portions of salmon amd three chocolate brownies plus other stuff.  And copius amounts of alcohol. I just want to get home now. I miss my bf so much. Oh well I will be leaving in just over 12 hours yay. Going to get some sleep now. Much Love, JB xoxo

Yay 1kg fown. Now I in safely in the 115's. 115.4 to be exact. If I can lose at least 500 grams by tomorrow then I'll in the 114s yay. I'd really love to lose 1.2kgs because I usually gain around 700grams from drinking etc and I'd love to stay under 115kgs. But thats just being greedy lol. Other news is that my hair is yellow, and bluey purplish. I tried to do my own blonde figuring ot was only mainly regrowth it cant be that hard righy. Will try to fix it abit tonight so i dont feel so stupid tomorrow. My cousin who is my hairdresser said she can probably fix it sunday. Lol live and learn. So my new favorite food is prawn rice paper rolls which for two is only 188 calories and fills me up for hours so thats what I'm having for lunch again today. Sydney tomorrow eeek.have so much to do tonight. Ill have to do my makeup and curl my hair in the morning before I go because won't have time once we get there. I think we have an hour at the hotel before getting ...

Hi Lovelies, I woke up yesterday and had lost my gain yay. I should be under 116kgs today. I'm not. I was hungry yesterday so tried to eat a normal healthy weight loss amount so I wouldn't binge. I had soup and toast for breakfast. Sushi for lunch. Factored in soup for dinner. That had me sitting around 1200. I could live with that. I got home amd was relaxing on the couch watching the news and my partner comes in and plops a plate of pizza in front of me. I ate it for two reasons. One, I didn't want to hurt his feelings afterhe had done something sweet. Two, he knows about my ED in the past. He has witnessed me starving before but didn't know thats what I was doing. He doesn't know my behaviours amd I dont want to make him auspicious so he doesn't read up on the EDs amd know the warning signs. So flying under the radar atm. Anyway I  gained 200 grams. I meed to be good for the next 2 days so I'm sitting in the low 115's minimum for Sydney. NO MORE...

Hi Lovelies, I didn't want to wake up this morning. Unfortuantly the heartburn wouldn't go away, evidence that I fucked up the night before. I had two rennie, peed and hopped on the scales with dread 116.7 kgs. Gained 600 grams honestly thought it would be more. Was relieved I was still under 117. Not sure why I snapped yesterday. I think it was self sabotage because I was doing well. Had one binge purge session first one in over 6 months. My son and partner were out of the house for awhile so I quickly smashed through a spoon of icecream, a grilled cheese sandwhich, a pb&j sandwhich and two cans of vodka with raspberry. Got rid of that. Was hungry again soon after so had a soup. It didn't work so when I was cooking sausages for my son I put three in for me. Three whole sausages full of  fat urgh. I had them on white bread loaded with butter, some aioli and tomato sauce. Now that was bad enough and I wish I could say I stopped there. But no I then also had another 2 s...

Hi Lovelies, Gah I don't want it to be Sunday. I am not ready for Monday tomorrow. I only have a 4 day work week because we fly down to Sydney for the work xmas party  on Friday. I'm really anxious about it. I hate flying and I'll be stuck with people all the time. I'll miss my bf like crazy will be weird not sleeping next to him. Ok all that aside my body is acting like a weight loss machine! I've managed to lose the gain plus 200 grams more overnight. And I had an McDonalds ice-cream last night wtf. My intake wasnt great yesterday around 850cals. I should be on the 115's tomorrow. I would love to get under 112.5kgs by Friday so that's like 3.1kgs I think. I can do that. Actually craving food besides soup today hmm. Maybe I'll make some oatbran. If that doesnt work I have a toddlers frozen meal of spaghetti bolognaise around 250 cals if I need it. Better to go slightly higher and prevent a binge. Well that is me for today I have nothing else excit...

Hi Lovelies, Well last night was shit. went to the after party and spent heaps of money on drinks. I ate, I drank, I spent, I gained. Worst party was I didn't even enjoy myself. I was thinking that if I got more drunk I would have more fun. But that didn't work so I came home at 7:30pm. WHAT SURPRISES ME IS THAT I ONLY GAINED 600GRAMS!!!! I ate an appetiser of smoked salmon followed by the main of a duck breast (fat and all) with fondant potato. I had about 5-6 glasses of bubbly there. At the after party I ate 3 sausage rolls and a calamari ring, drank 5 bacardis with coke, real coke with sugar that is and had a shot of fireball and 3 shots of patron coffee tequila. I stopped at the supermarket and brought a spinach pizza and garlic bread. I ate the entire pizza and half a loaf of garlic bread. I also had half a can of vodka and pineapple when I came home. Easily should have been a 2 kg gain. So I am pleasantly surprised. I will be back in  the 116's tomorrow. especially ...

Hi Lovelies, Today was a good day. I felt better at work. In fact I was on fire. The scales werent lying yesterday, I actually lost 3kgs haha bad maths. I lost another 500 grams this morning. I'm at my lowest weight all year, well for at least 2 years. I have a industry lunch/drinkfest tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing people I know and letting loose. Not looking forward to the calories and gain. Been pretty good tiday. Intake will be around 800cals. I had to eat something today besides soup or I would have binged. So glad I did because now I feel full and contwnt and looking forward to soup tonight. I had 2 sushi handrolls with tuna and brown rice around 150 cals each. It feels so good to not feel like shit today. I am going to buy a dress for tomorrow so that might change. I hate the mirrors in the dressing rooms. Anyway I'm still fat but doing sometjing about it so going to some self love tonight. Much Love, JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Slept in today. Got yelled at on the phone by my boss. So shit day at work. Scales must of given me am incorrect reading because theres no way I could have lost 2.6kgs since yesterday. Especially since I binged last night to 1100 calories. Cannot lose control. Should be under 500 for today My puppy is happy to see which is the highlight of my day. Much Love, JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Things are shit. My poor puppy is broken and had to have thousands of dollars worth of surgery. He will be ok though. I don't like my job. I feel incompetent and I feel like my team talk about me behind my back. I don't feel like I fit in. I need to stick it out for a while longer I know. It has only been 7 weeks. Have anoyher function this week in 3 days. Have gained everything I lost last week. Today I am back on track and will be under 800 cals. Just have to keep breathing as I feel I'm on the edge of a panic attack comstantly atm. Sorry I have nothing positive to say today. Much love. JB XOXO