Grin for Thin

Hi Lovelies, So I did first day of raw till 4 yesterday. It was hard eating so much. Having my belly so distended. But I kept going and kept eating giving in to the process. I ate over 3000 calories and my diet was 91% carbs. Now I tild myself I wouldn't weigh myself but ild habits dye hard. Expected to see a weight gain. Nope lost 900grams. Wow. Goes against everything we know. Ok so to let you know what I ate. Breakfast- 5 bananas and 3 dates blended with water to make a smoothie. Lunch- 4 mangoes Dinner- 10 small potatoes boiled with 3 roast tomatoes and a roast zucchini (dry roasted no oil). Snacks- Plums, dates, figs and a banana. So its not all great. Feeling loysy from detoxing with a wicked headache. Also has bowel pains but since I'm going now thats decreasing as is the flatulence. Will be interesting at work tomorrow. Well I better go get my fruit on. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, I can't live like this anymore. I have to change something. I'm going to attempt the raw till 4 lifestyle. Not sure if anyone is familiar with it. Basically you gorge (I really mean gorge) on fruit all day then have a high carb low fat dinner. Like you hust eat huge amounts. I'm am stressed about the quantity. I know I will temporarily gain. This is no longer about weightloss. I  need to heal me. If I don'tdo something drastic I'm scared where I'll end up. I am excited about being able to feel full and satisfied again. I know I'll have demons to battle with food but its time. On other news I'm down 500grams. Usually I would be excited but I don't really care. Since I made the decision to not be ruled by the number on the scale I feel a sense of peace. Well I'll update on how I go. Much Love, JB Xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Only lost 100 fucking grams. I went to gym ate well and only lost 100 grams. That's it I need to get back under 1000cals. Even though I'm eating really healthy food I'm just need to see more dramatic drops. I'm still 5.2kgs away from my goal and only have 8 days to get there. I'm really struggling with depression atm. My son has been getting along great my mums without me so maybe he would be ok if I just left this realm. My boyfriend would be so much better off without me holding him back from someone prettier skinnier and smarter. They would be sad for awhile but then they would be fine. I work on the 17th floor and am sure I wouldn't survive jumping off that. I'm probably too weak to kill myself so I'll just stop talking shit. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Geez I'm getting bold. I'm typing this on the train facing my boyfriend.  Yay I had a decent loss of 1.5kgs. Now I have 9 days to lose 5.5kgs. I need to lose 611grams a day to make that happen. That is a big ask as I usually drop 500grams a day. Didn't make it to the gym last night bit we are going tonoght. Plus tomorrow night too I think.  I have heaps to do this weekend so hopefully the numbers keep going down fast. Well thats me. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Gah only 300grams wahhhh. Still 5.75kgs to go and 10 days to do it. My hip still hurts but I'm going to the gym today. On other news I passed the exam so I'm done now with university. Woohoo now for the hard work to look ok for graduation. I need to be in the 90s by then so no more slacking off. I found a new brand of frozen meals that taste like real food and a few sit under 300cals yay. They are Michelle Bridges brand. I got my blood test results back the other day and my fatty liver is gone but sadly no change in my cholesterol level. Must remedy this next. Other then that my bloods were perfect. Well that's me. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well I'd love the say that things improved with my eating and that I stopped gaining but sadly that didn't happen. I gained another kg or so. Now at my highest weight this year. Oh onward and downward now hopefully. I'm determined to lose more then 6 kgs in the next 11 days. Today diet is back on track. Aiming for 1200. If that goes ok and I don't feel like binging then tomorrow around 1000cals. Then just going to keep trying to drop the cals. I was planning to go the gym tomorrow night after work but I'm worried. My hip is killimg me. Started aching on my birthday and is getting worse. The pain woke me up last night so had a long day tired and in pain. Going home to soak in a hot bath and take some codeine. Hopefully I'll be ok to go to the gym then. Well thats me. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well what a fat fucking failure I am. 2 kgs gained in 2 days. Today will be better but still not perfect. Going to start walking during lunchtimes amd going to the gym after work with the girls from work next week. No more excuses. I don't have to study, I'll precook meals for the family so all excuses gone. New goal is to be under 112.5kgs by the 29th. That will mark one year since I started the lastest weight loss effort and I want it to be with a 30kg loss. Disgusting part is that even then I will still have another 50kgs to lose to get to my goal. July is my graduation (touch wood) and I want to be under 92.5kgs. Going to Thailand in August so I'd like to be 85kgs by then so I have a buffer to stay under 90lgs while I'm there but still eat. I want to try heaps of different food and I'm quite adventurous so who knows might even try bugs hahaha.  Will be spending heaps of time swimming and walking so hopefully I won't gain too much. They are...

Hi Lovelies, Well I weighed in only 200grams lighter. So no goal met. My birthday has been full of food. Tomorrow will be the same. I'm trying to ignore the voice in my head and enjoy the time celebrating with my family and friends. I will get back on track Friday. Ok better go now it's nearly time to get off the train. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, So I'm 33 tomorrow gah. Not where I thought I'd bè when I was little lol. Actually no thats not true I'm exactly where I thought I'd be. Wish I was closer to fetting a mortgage then I am. Will be having my first trip out of Australia this year. Still waiting for a proposal not at all patiently lol. Sadly my chances of getting in the 113s by tomorrow are remote. My own fault for self sabotaging by stress eating. Yesterday I did hopefully my last exam for my degree. Next goal is lose 20kgs in the next 6 months to look better in Graduation photos. I feel like crap today. My stomach is bloated and hurting. I feel low and off. Want to go home and have a bath and go to bed. Well this is my last post as 32. See you all when I'm 33. Much Love

Hi Lovelies, When I weighed in this morning the scales said I had lost 1.5 kgs. I'm not getting excited because I think it was a false reading. I'm so far behind in my study for this exam.  I have not cooked all the meals I should have by now. I have been a bitch to my lovely boyfriend. Basically today is not great. I have felt unwell and off all day. I think its because I'm constipated. Going to have a cup of senna tea soon so hopefully I'll have some movement's tomorrow. Food has been ok but not great. The food I am eating is really good and nutrient dense unfortunately my calories are too high. Last night I skipped dinner to drink with the girls. Got drunk really fast and didnt drink too much. Today I sacrificed lunch for a few drinks tonight. I'm consuming what myfittnesspal has recommended basically which is 1440 cals. I look forward to hopefully a real reading tomorrow. Would love todays to be true because then I'm only 2.2kgs off my birthday goa...

Hi Lovelies, Yay lost 1.1kgs surprisingly. Wasn't expecting aloss or a very minimal one. Intake yesterday was around 1250cals. Mostly it was super healthy. I'm still 3.6kgs off my birthday goal which is in 5 days. Still doubting that I'll get there. Feeling a little freaked about Monday's exam. Work has gobbled up my lunch breaks where I was hoping to study. Oh well just have to smash it out this weekend. I have organised the doctors for monday morning since I have taken the day off for the exam. I need to get bloods taken to see if my cholesterol has lowered and whether I still have fatty liver. I've lost 25kgs hoping that has helped. Also need a pap smear to find out why I don't get periods. Also need a referral to a dermatologist for my skin condition. Then I have a day off two weeks later for my sons first day at a new school where I can get all my results. Hoping to get my hair done tonight hopefully. Well thats me. Much Love, JB xoxo

Morning Lovelies, Down another 500grams. This time I feel like I deserve it. Still 4.3kgs off birthday goal. Hoping after I take some laxatives on the weekend I will lose quite a bit. I haven't been able to go to the toilet properly for like a week and its making me feel pretty lousy. I don't know why it popped in my head but I was just thinking on how sad it makes me feel that one day my partner is going to figure out that my eating disorder is active again. I know he will be upset, angry, concerned etc. It sucks knowing that I will have to lie to him and that will hurt him the most. I am not going to delude myself or anyone else that I won't be dishonest with him about my eating to protect my disorder. No one who never has had eating problems will understand the level of comfort and security that comes with it. That it is like a companion that never leaves your side. Whats sad is that I feel this way about something that wants to destroy my life. The rational part...

Hi Lovelies, Somehow I managed to lose weight. Half a kg even. I don't deserve it though I binged on pizza. 5 fucking slices. Plus a sliver of cake and a third of a piece of fudge. I stopped counting once I got to 1600cals but I probably consumed near 2000. So yes weight loss is unexpected. Thought the number would go up jot down. Found my new fave thing at work. I can use the coffee machine to make chai lattes which are only 32 cals each as opposed to the 120 cals for the ones from the coffee shop downstairs. Today if I don't binge will be just under 1000 cals. I need to get lower but will wait until I stop feeling the urge to binge. I really need to find some amino acids. Flavour without the calories yum yum. Well nearly at work now. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Well I didn't lose but then I also didn't gain. Wasn't really expecting a loss so all is good. Well maybe not good but acceptable. Will be better today as I bought some healthly food to snack on like blueberries and baby cucumbers. About to calculate my calories for the day. I slept so poorly last night today is going to be a struggle. I also forgot my glasses again and am already getting a headache. Have to go get my precription checked for my eyes and get a pair for work and a pair for home. Oh well going to veg out the rest of my trip. Much Love, JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Hope everyone had a safe Christmas and New Years. I'm on the train heading back to work boooo! Well Christmas was ok fairly uneventful. Managed to not eat and not gain. Only for a few days then the kgs came on like crazy. I put on 3kgs in the 10 days I had off.  My birthday is in 9 days and my goal if getting under 113kgs is looking doubtful. Today would be ok sitting around 100pcals but partner who still has this week off wants to cook dinner tonight. BBQ chops and corn. So now my cals are looking around 1500. I could skip food all day but as I'm already hungry all that would do is lead to a binge tonight. I noticed a few of you gave started making your goals for 2016. I have been thinking but I don't have any goals besides to keep losing weight and get a pay raise. I do want to be a better mother this year I think I was a little slack last year and paid the price with bad behaviour. I need to clean out my mind, I am quite negative which I don't like....