WTF have I done????

God I am hopeless. I have ballooned out of control. I am at a massive 118kg's or 260lbs. My highest weight ever. I have tried to do weight-loss healthily but always fail. Restricting works for me, I enjoy that feeling of emptiness  Yes I know it is not healthy and blah blah blah but I don't care anymore, I can't stay this fat. I am going to Europe in 11 months so I need to lose nearly 60kgs by then. If I can average around 1.4kgs per week I can achieve it. I have started the 2, 4, 6, 8 diet today it's my first attempt at this but I have read how other girls have lots of success with it. I am feeling so trapped by life right now, I need to escape into my ED to feel like I can breath again.

Wish me luck
JB

Comments

  1. Nasimiyu19 July 2013 at 08:55

    Aww honey, I know the feeling! I am also at my highest weight ever and it is just the worst. OMG I am so jealous you get to go to europe!! I hope you make your goals!! Good luck!! I don't want to tell you what to do but you should consider not restricting too much in the beginning. You need to play your metabolism (it's high right now cos of your weight and if you restrict too much it will slow down too much). So don't eat like 200 a day now, more like 1000 a day, then lower it as you keep on losing weight. Should help prevent binging too.

    Anyway hang in there and don't give up!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Josie25 July 2013 at 16:21

    Hi Nasimiyu, yes it sucks looking in the mirror and seeing all the hardwork you have undone, but alas that os life. Hope you are well besides the weight thing. xoxo

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
Yay the scales are finally moving. Another decent loss today of 1.2kgs. Only 4.1kgs to hit November's goal. Then only 500grams to get out of the 130's. I totally wish that for 12 months I didn't have to work. That I could just focus on loosing weight and getting fit. But sadly mumma's got bills to pay. Have to apply for a bunch of jobs today. Then have to meet with my job network provider which are totally useless. Then more housework. If I can get enough housework done today then tomorrow I can go to the beach for half the day. So with that I leave you with some beach thinspo! JB xoxo
Read more
Hmmmm 2 lectures to listen too and 5 chapters to summarise. I am already two days behind where I wanted to be. Besides watch biggest loser tonight and stopping for an hour to do a mammoth clean I will not leave my desk until I get the basic concepts of economics figured out. I hate economics so much. Still have to study for Law and Accounting. The panic is rising steadily and it is lodged in my throat atm, making me feel like I could throw up at any moment. I did something bad last night. I played around on cam with ex who has a girlfriend. What is wrong with me? I don't want to be one of those women that pursue other women's men. My loneliness is getting to the scary time where I start doing stupid and selfish things to get a feel good to ease the feelings of loneliness :(. Still flirting ith the vegan guy who at least is available but who knows where or if that will lead to. Well I lost 500 grams since yesterday but still 2.5kgs in 3 days is pretty good. Only 1kg away from w...
Read more
WTF is wrong with me. I binged....... again..... I purged......... again. Lucky the kids were too preoccupied with thier video games. I was able to go into my room, lock the door and turn the shower on and go about my business. But my partner gets home tomorrow and I can't lock him out of our bedroom. I can't lose control like that again. The first binge and purge was planned but this wasn't.  I pushed back eating too far and as I was ser ing dinner I thought fuck it I am going to eat to. It was butter chicken with naan bread so like a gazillion calories. I think I got most of it up in the end I was just dry heaving. Now I have a raging headache but I deserve it for being such a weak fat bitch. JB Xoxo
Read more