Sorry peeps!
It feels that whenever I post a yay I'm restricting again comment I then binge the next day and fall back into over eating.
I so want my ED to come back fully, gosh I miss it. I know that's crazy but it is true. Every thing in my life is so chaotic and out of control that maybe if I can work up to restricting again I'll get that sense of calm that comes with pure empty stomachs.
Maybe now is a good time since my income has changed dramatically and next week I have $60 for groceries for myself and my son and fuel to get my son to school. I stood on the scales on Wednesday after I tried on a bunch of plus size dresses Tuesday and was super depressed. I currently weigh 139.5 kgs (307 lbs or nearly 22 stone) and I told myself that I will never allow myself to get to 140 kgs. So I started a diet that day. Its been going well and atm I am just trying to eat as clean as possible with only whole grain carbs like brown rice and minimal sugar which is my crack.
I also gave up smoking last week after my boyfriend caught me out for it (bloody bastard I love smoking). We have been together 19 months now and I love him but at times I feel very alone when I have issues or crisis's come up like atm as he doesn't know what to do. I haven't exercised yet since we are in a freaking heat wave and have had days as hot as 40 degrees Celsius (104 Farenheit).
Also another bummer is that I miscalculated how many subjects I had left to and found out I had one more so now I am doing a summer semester. Plus desperately trying to get a job.
But not all is misery I have become obsessed with houses made from shipping containers and I really want to learn survival skills.
Well I am not going to say I am back because everytime I do I then disappear for months. Plus I have no idea if I will keep doing the weight loss thing slow and steady and healthy or fall back into my ED. Time will tell. At least I feel motivated atm to do something.
Think thin my pretties.
JB
xoxoxo
It feels that whenever I post a yay I'm restricting again comment I then binge the next day and fall back into over eating.
I so want my ED to come back fully, gosh I miss it. I know that's crazy but it is true. Every thing in my life is so chaotic and out of control that maybe if I can work up to restricting again I'll get that sense of calm that comes with pure empty stomachs.
Maybe now is a good time since my income has changed dramatically and next week I have $60 for groceries for myself and my son and fuel to get my son to school. I stood on the scales on Wednesday after I tried on a bunch of plus size dresses Tuesday and was super depressed. I currently weigh 139.5 kgs (307 lbs or nearly 22 stone) and I told myself that I will never allow myself to get to 140 kgs. So I started a diet that day. Its been going well and atm I am just trying to eat as clean as possible with only whole grain carbs like brown rice and minimal sugar which is my crack.
I also gave up smoking last week after my boyfriend caught me out for it (bloody bastard I love smoking). We have been together 19 months now and I love him but at times I feel very alone when I have issues or crisis's come up like atm as he doesn't know what to do. I haven't exercised yet since we are in a freaking heat wave and have had days as hot as 40 degrees Celsius (104 Farenheit).
Also another bummer is that I miscalculated how many subjects I had left to and found out I had one more so now I am doing a summer semester. Plus desperately trying to get a job.
But not all is misery I have become obsessed with houses made from shipping containers and I really want to learn survival skills.
Well I am not going to say I am back because everytime I do I then disappear for months. Plus I have no idea if I will keep doing the weight loss thing slow and steady and healthy or fall back into my ED. Time will tell. At least I feel motivated atm to do something.
Think thin my pretties.
JB
xoxoxo
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