How come even when everything seems to be falling into place I can still feel so alone and lost?

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Happy BIrthday to me......................... Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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She is waking up from deep within my bones. She has slumbered only to wake and growl and grumble at meal times. Quieter and less frequently in the beginning. Now louder and the time between not so far apart.  Recovery is hard and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I'm not sure if I want it enough. I'm a few kgs up and I can't stand it! God I hate myself. Weak, useless failure.
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So one of my favourite things to restrict with is soup. I am so excited that I found a new soup today that only has 26 calories per cup and is tasty. I think it is an Australian brand but it is La Zuppa for anyone who is interested. Another new love is Aeroplane lite jelly cups which are only 20 cals each. I am in bed now having another cup of soup and tea and sitting on 263 calories today with 315 calories burnt so I am in deficit of 52 calories today. Also I lost another 400 grams yesterday. Well I better go boyfriend almost caught me  typing this post. Be Safe JB Xoxo
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