Grin for Thin

So I just woke up and I am scared to go one the scales. I am scared to see the damage from last nights binge eeeek. But I cannot have a coffee until I do. Oh god might as well go get it over with, I am going to do it now. Please Ana by some miracle please don't let me have a gain. Damn well no luck there I have gained lots like 2.6 kgs. Well as soon as I get back I am taking a whole bunch of laxatives. And I am so puffy and bloated I need to get some diuretics this week. Well at least I am going to be going for a walk today although its only gonna take 30-45 mins I am expecting there's a huge steep hill so that should get my heart rate up. Definitely got to start doing cardio. I don't even want to go out now :( . Well maybe I should start doing other measurements as well so I can see and overall picture. Ok so here are the measurements: 113.5 cms Waist 135.0 cms Hips 116.5 cms Bust 76.5 cms Thighs 39.5 cms Upper Arms 52.0 cms Calves I am so disgusting. ...

So binged again gah. I was still craving the vegan nuggets with mash potato and gravy, couldn't get it out of my mind. So I struck a deal with myself , indulge in this binge today then tomorrow back to business with a vengeance but this time I need to incorporate exercise. So I don't know the actual calorie intake but I am guessing between 2500-3000 so disgusting! Another rule I made myself is that I am absolutely not allowed to have another binge until after I am well under 100 kgs. I so wish I could afford gastric banding surgery. So I think I have been struggling a lil bit because I haven't set any goals. So my first goal would have been to get under 110kgs and now that is done (god I hope today's damage doesn't push me back above it). My next big goal is to get under a 100 kgs and I am hoping to achieve that within the next 2 weeks. My ultimate goal atm is 20kgs in 6 weeks. So going by this mornings weight (which I am sure will be higher tomorrow after today...

I cannot believe it I binged last night and when I hopped on the scales found I had dropped 2.2 kgs since yesterday which is 4.8 pounds for those working on that system.  The laxatives definitely helped but still I binged to 995 calories yesterday. The worse thing about a binge besides the guilt and the failure is it makes me hungry. Today is going to be tough because I woke up hungry grrrrrr. Although I am pleased that I was able to stop myself from what I wanted to binge on. I wanted vegan chicken nuggets, mashed potato and gravy followed by raisin toast with fig jam. Depending on the whether I had 2 or 4 pieces of toast the damage would have been between 1619.5 to 1986 calories. So I skipped the nuggets, potatoes and gravy and just had the toast. Had 2 slices then went into binge mode and had another 2 which was 773 calories all up yuck!!!. Oh well at least I am armed with nearly zero calorie noodles to get me through. Although in all honesty I am not fee...

So my ex says "sometime's I question why I still love you, but times like this memories come flooding back". Basically he is being an arse because I am excited about the nearly zero calorie noodles. OMG so full I feel sick and it took me like 2 hours to eat it all. Hard to believe that so much food can only equate to 66 calories. But I checked the maths 6 times. Please Ana let me have a loss tomorrow PLEASE. Anyways I popped a few laxatives before and my bowels are hurting now so at least they are working. Any who getting ready for the one night I like to watch tv. JB xoxo

My body is a piece of shit!!! Somehow I have fucking gained 700 gms how the fuck????? I only ate 350 cals yesterday. I am at a loss but when I get home its laxative time. So abit of a depressing start to the day. But on the upside I am going to go buy some of those zero calorie noodles today. And even if I do eat the whole dish I am making with them the damage is only 70 cals woot!!!!!Now definitely need some thinspo to start the day. And today's choice is one of my all time favorite actresses Keira Knightly she is just so gorgeous. JB xoxo

So I just stumbled across these noodles known as miracle noodles or shirataki noodles and they have like nearly zero calories. There is like 6 calories per kg. I am so going to buy them tomorrow. I have already figured a recipe for them with veges and soy sauce and it will only come to 70 calories. And apparently they expand slightly in the stomach which makes you feel fuller. Has anyone on here tried them? If so what did you think of them? JB xoxoxo

Had not weighed in for two days and just did and I have lost 1.6 kgs. Very happy with that considering I ended up eating 12 fries yesterday gah. Well yesterday was alright it was fun watching my son enjoy himself but it is kinda boring at theme parks when you can't go on all the good shit. Cannot think of anything else to add just yet, I might blog again later. JB xoxo

I am already late for everything damn it. Oh well at least my friends are understanding. I lost another 700gms woot I am now under 110 kgs. First goal accomplished next  one is to get under 100 kgs. I would dearly love to lose about 20 in the 5 weeks my mother is away. Well I better get organised to get out of here. Taking my son to a theme park tomorrow cannot wait. Best thing is even if I am hungry there, there's nothing I can eat there woot. JB xoxo

Phew yesterday's damage wasn't too bad. Still ended up losing 200gm, not alot but better then a gain. Planning to stay under 400 calories today should be easy enough. I have so much today but not feeling overly energetic but I am going away for 2 days so I better get organised might post some more later. JB xoxo

I was doing great then my mother showed up unexpectedly and I tried not to eat but with all the food around me for day 3 got too much and I caved. I know I am so weak. Worst part is that I could have had just a small bit and it would have been fine but once I started well you know the drill,,,,,,, BINGED. Gah I hate myself. Nearly 2100 Calories and it was only meant to be 350 today. She is here tomorrow too though leaves in the afternoon if I can just avoid eating in the day then I can skip dinner and hopefully stay under 1000 cals tomorrow. Please Ana save me from myself. JB xoxo

Gah I want to eat soooo bad but I will not. Just made my son a bowl of muesli and it looked so good and muesli is one of my favourite foods but I will resist I can eat muesli when I am thin. Trying to hold off on my protein smoothie for another hour so I am fuller for the night, which fir me is the damage time where I always have big meals. Anyways I just needed to get all that out of my head feel better now :) JB xoxo

Well I am feeling happy this morning, lost 1.7kgs in 2 days or 4 pounds. I think that is great it's a great motivation that I needed right now.Yesterday was a good day I only had 500 calories. Will see how low I can go today. At least I have a busy day today to keep me occupied. Day 3 errrrrrr usually a tough one maybe it won't be too bad. Time will tell. Well tally ho all. JB xoxoxo Abit of random thinspo all thanks to google

I have had enough of eating then feeling horrible, then feeling horrible cos I'm eating then eating more. I jumped on the scales yesterday and I am only 400 grams under what I was last time I started. I was reading through my old posts to get some inspiration by remembering how good I felt last time and I read a whinge of mine that I only lost 2.5 kgs in 4 days lol in retrospect that's a great weight loss. So technically started yesterday by keeping my cals under 1000 and it was 813 by day's end so that's good. I am trying to ease into it because the first few days are always hard shrinking the stomach after it being used to getting so over expanded every time I ate. Besides a lil fruit everything else is liquid mainly coffee and water. I am not feeling that great today had a bad headache since yesterday. Been studying so much and wearing my glasses that now I am not wearing them I am getting a headache. I am already doubting my ability so I am going to go hard on the t...

My life is getting really busy and my university work feels like it's crushing me. I can hear Ana whispering for me to come back and regain some control in my life, and I think I want too. I miss the lifestyle so much, I miss the hunger pains that would make me smile, I miss the watching the numbers go down on the scales, I miss counting calories and obsessing over every thing that went into my mouth. But the thing I miss he most is that it was my own secret little world where no one could penetrate. At least Ana keeps me company when I am starving myself, I feel lonely whilst being fat and eating because no one likes a fatty. Sometimes I feel as if people are worried if they talk to me or sit next to me my fat will be contagious. Skinny girls don't have that affect on people. I want that to be me! JB xoxoxo