Hi everyone,
Well I'm back on the merry-go-round again. For how long I don't know. I'm not doing as well at work as I would have hoped. I had to move and change schools for my son. Plus now he gets himself to and from school and is home alone for like 1.5 hours everyday. I feel like a fucking failure. The only thing I can not fail at is self destruction in one way or another. Atm I am choosing restriction. Started on Tuesday and have lost 3kgs so far.
I think my fiance is suspicious as he hid the scales (or so he thinks) or he hid them away so his daughter cant use them. She has been diagnosed with Ana. I'm not aloud to talk about it with her because I am not her parent..... No but I have been a constant in her life for the past four years and fuck actually know exactly what she is going through. Ffs I am the one catching all the behaviours and reporting them so the psych can address them to my fiance and ex wife.
The thing with suffering from a eating disorder when your obese is that no one takes you seriously. I have dropped massive amounts like 20 and 30 kgs very fast in the past but have so much to lose so no one really believes I am as sick as I am. It makes me want to starve myself until I am on deaths door so they finally see me. See how much I struggle and how much fucking pain I am in. Thats the crazyness of it all. I want to disappear so they will notice me.
Well thats my self-pity party over. Well on here at least.
JB
Well I'm back on the merry-go-round again. For how long I don't know. I'm not doing as well at work as I would have hoped. I had to move and change schools for my son. Plus now he gets himself to and from school and is home alone for like 1.5 hours everyday. I feel like a fucking failure. The only thing I can not fail at is self destruction in one way or another. Atm I am choosing restriction. Started on Tuesday and have lost 3kgs so far.
I think my fiance is suspicious as he hid the scales (or so he thinks) or he hid them away so his daughter cant use them. She has been diagnosed with Ana. I'm not aloud to talk about it with her because I am not her parent..... No but I have been a constant in her life for the past four years and fuck actually know exactly what she is going through. Ffs I am the one catching all the behaviours and reporting them so the psych can address them to my fiance and ex wife.
The thing with suffering from a eating disorder when your obese is that no one takes you seriously. I have dropped massive amounts like 20 and 30 kgs very fast in the past but have so much to lose so no one really believes I am as sick as I am. It makes me want to starve myself until I am on deaths door so they finally see me. See how much I struggle and how much fucking pain I am in. Thats the crazyness of it all. I want to disappear so they will notice me.
Well thats my self-pity party over. Well on here at least.
JB
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