Triggered!

Hi Lovelies,

It's been awhile. Where to start?

Well I put the weight back on from the fast of course. Back to 136 kgs and nothing much has changed. I have recently gotten intowater kefir and soon I will start with kombucha. Trying to fix my gut health.

I got the new job which I love. Work with a great bunch of people. Plus I am getting paid more so yay.

Other news is my 12 year old step-daughter has an ED. I'm not sure how long its been going on but she lost 3 kgs in a week. She only weighed like 50 kgs before anyways. Now she is active and already thin. She is into dance which is probably feeding the obsession.  We went out to dinner last night and when they put the plate in front of her, I saw the fear flash across her face. Long story short I am heartbroken for her.

Sickingly I'm so triggered by it all. I'm aware of how fucked up that all is but I don't care and already working down my calories as we speak.

So I went and tried on wedding dresses about 6 weeks ago and it was awful. It broke me. I felt so far from beautiful. I broke down when I got home. I didn't want to starve myself again. I confessed all my ed stuff to my fiance. I bared all. Except for this blog. I told him I am not ready for him to read this. I don't think I ever will.

So that's my pathetic catch-up. Still a fat loser who will probs just fail at this again.

JB

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