Grin for Thin

I was so hungover yesterday. Still feel hungover today as well. Was a great night out and I didn't gain. Considering how much alcohol I had to drink that is amazing. I did a stupid thing. My sex friend came over and while I was drunk I blabbed everything to him about my eating disorder. I am freaking out now. I am not too worried that he will tell people because I have shit on him I could use. I am just afraid he try and talk to me about it as I lose weight. Oh well time will tell. JB xoxo

So I did a bit of research yesterday on natural diuretics. And one of the most suggested was green tea so I drank a heap of it and boy it must of worked. I am down 3kgs today. Massive and so happy I can go out feeling a lil better. Also my sex friend is picking me up tonight so a huge day/night and I am still tired and slightly hungover. I cannot believe I lost so much. Asides from the green tea I didn't do that great I had a 1/3 of a slice of pizza (75) and 1 cinnamon donut (150) and a bottle of white wine (700ish) I was only just under 1000 calories for the day. Well I better go get ready I have a heap to do. JB xoxo

SO no surprise here my absence has been due to me eating out of control. Gained back up to 96.5 kgs. I lost a kg since yesterday. I would like to lose as much puffyness from bloating by tomorrow since I am going out. I will still be hideous and fat but that is my own fault. Today is a coffee and tea day. yesterday was coffee tea and a fruit salad made from negative calorie fruits. I went and saw my therapist yesterday and was talking about my emotional eating and she mentioned about getting a good balance so I don't get too extreme so I don't develop an eating disorder bahahahaha bit late love. But of course I didn't let on anything I just agreed. I have no intention of recovery yet I love my ED I just need to stay focused and stop binging so much. Apparently I have acid reflux atm so that makes me not want to eat much anyways cos it bloody hurts. This song describes my feelings for my ED. I know I am sick and I don't care. No matter what happens in life and who le...

Another kilo off yay. I feel slightly better today then yesterday about everything. Wish I could get a full nights sleep but I know its probably due to exam stress. Got 5 hours last night. I hope I can get a good night sleep tonight since my first exam is tomorrow then one the next day and then I am done for 1 1/2 weeks until the summer semester. I would love to lose another 3 kgs in the next two days lol because I plan to drink Wednesday night after my last exam and I would love to wake up Thursday and be in the 80's. I don't think it will happen because I have dropped 3.5 kgs in 3 days and I know my body will be annoying soon and stay put. Oh well better get dressed and get the kid to school full day of study today *yawn*. JB xoxo

Shocked! I lost 1.5kgs since yesterday. I do not know how I binged all day on wine, hot chips, lollies and a heap of other crap. I did not deserve to lose weight. I feel in self-destruct mode atm. It is kinda scary place to be in. I just don't know what measures I will go to in order to punish myself. Definitely restricting today as my mother could come back anytime from now to tomorrow. My poor son :( he didn't win in the mother department. I mean I am loving and a good mother but I am hardly mentally stable. Yes another day of me being all emo. I just really dislike me atm. Which makes it harder for me to be strong with food cos I just don't care. But I am trying to remind myself that the more weight I lose the more I can tolerate myself. Well that is enough of my complaining. JB xoxo

I lost 500 grams since yesterday. I should be happy but it is not enough. It is never enough. I am deep in depression atm probably have been for awhile but I don't seem to notice for awhile. So the things with this guy is all over before it began. I feel stupid for investing so much emotionally with a man I had yet to meet. But I did and it hurts. I keep telling everyone I am ok with it all and that I have closure but it is all a lie. I really thought he might had been my person. I put up a hard ass exterior but inside I am really a hopeless romantic. So blasting some angry chick music (pink) but all I want to do is curl up and cry but I can't. The tears just won't come. It is all good I can understand why he doesn't want to be with me I am fat and gross. Just going to keep starving until I am perfect. Well that is my emo post today. JB xoxo

So I cannot remember the last time I came on here a week maybe more? Well I was doing alright not feeling hungry living on coffee and herbal tea. Then I had a binge. Then 2 days of restricting. Then Halloween where I gorged my fat ass on candy and whatever else I could find. So here I am 3.5kgs heavier gah this sucks. The good news is that my mother is away so can get away with not eating. I am going to try not to eat and if I do only when I can purge it. Trying to cram for exams. Not fun but in less then a week it will all be over. JB xoxo