Just read my last post to see what has changed. Heaps.......
I resigned from my job and left in early July. I am still looking for another job. I would love to say that since leaving that place that my self-esteem has improved but sadly it has plummeted. I am miserable. On top of that I have almost gained all the weight back.
Being unemployed is taking its toll on my self worth more then I would have imagined. I am no longer studying since I finally graduated. Now I simply unemployed. I have had numerous interviews which I have been told that I am a good candidate and that it was between me and another person and they decided to go with the other person. I do wonder if it is weight related bias? Not sure why I keep just missing out. I recently met with a recruitment office and had to take all these tests and group assessments. Got told my test results were really high but still nothing. I am at a loss.
I feel my relationship is breaking down and I don't know how to fix it. I am not sure what is wrong or if its all in my head. My partner tells me everything is good and that he loves me. I just feel like something is missing with us lately.
My head has been driving me crazy of late. I've tried to be strong and not listen but yesterday and today I have felt physically ill and used it as an excuse to start restricting. I am not surprised I knew it was coming. I secretly think that I have manifested these physical feelings of unwellness to start the cycle again. I am not going to make grand promises to myself that this time I will be successful. That I will be able to maintain starving myself, I probably won't. I just hope I can long enough to get that high feeling from being empty. I miss the self-control.
JB
xoxo
I resigned from my job and left in early July. I am still looking for another job. I would love to say that since leaving that place that my self-esteem has improved but sadly it has plummeted. I am miserable. On top of that I have almost gained all the weight back.
Being unemployed is taking its toll on my self worth more then I would have imagined. I am no longer studying since I finally graduated. Now I simply unemployed. I have had numerous interviews which I have been told that I am a good candidate and that it was between me and another person and they decided to go with the other person. I do wonder if it is weight related bias? Not sure why I keep just missing out. I recently met with a recruitment office and had to take all these tests and group assessments. Got told my test results were really high but still nothing. I am at a loss.
I feel my relationship is breaking down and I don't know how to fix it. I am not sure what is wrong or if its all in my head. My partner tells me everything is good and that he loves me. I just feel like something is missing with us lately.
My head has been driving me crazy of late. I've tried to be strong and not listen but yesterday and today I have felt physically ill and used it as an excuse to start restricting. I am not surprised I knew it was coming. I secretly think that I have manifested these physical feelings of unwellness to start the cycle again. I am not going to make grand promises to myself that this time I will be successful. That I will be able to maintain starving myself, I probably won't. I just hope I can long enough to get that high feeling from being empty. I miss the self-control.
JB
xoxo
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