I'm the queen of self sabotage. I'm binging. Could stop now plenty of damage done but no I have plenty more I want to stuff into my disgusting self. I deserve to be fat and miserable. I bring it on myself. I'm never going to be skinny. I have no control. I need my control back.
She is waking up from deep within my bones. She has slumbered only to wake and growl and grumble at meal times. Quieter and less frequently in the beginning. Now louder and the time between not so far apart. Recovery is hard and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I'm not sure if I want it enough. I'm a few kgs up and I can't stand it! God I hate myself. Weak, useless failure.
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