Grin for Thin

Hi Lovelies, Nothing has changed on the home front. They only notice me when they want something. Right now Im siiting next to ky fiance on the couch writing this with no concern of being caught he is too busy playing games. My whole family knows I have been dieting and no one has asked me if I lost weight in the first week. I have I lost 3kgs. I know I'm fucked up because I actually want to fade away til hospitalisation so they finally take notice. Doubt thatbwill ever happen I cave in to hunger all the time. Last night I mindlessly ate a cupcake because I have been baking them for a baking comp at work. I allocated one the day before so that was ok. But last night it was there and I just scarfed it. At the moment I am not restricting as extreme as I have in the past. My rule is never over 999cals. Im usually around 800-900 cals amd find because I am eating regulary amd lots of salads or soups not overly hungry so that's good. I kinda want to make goals but not date sp...

Hi everyone, Well I'm back on the merry-go-round again. For how long I don't know. I'm not doing as well at work as I would have hoped. I had to move and change schools for my son. Plus now he gets himself to and from school and is home alone for like 1.5 hours everyday. I feel like a fucking failure. The only thing I can not fail at is self destruction in one way or another. Atm I am choosing restriction. Started on Tuesday and have lost 3kgs so far. I think my fiance is suspicious as he hid the scales (or so he thinks) or he hid them away so his daughter cant use them. She has been diagnosed with Ana. I'm not aloud to talk about it with her because I am not her parent.....  No but I have been a constant in her life for the past four years and fuck actually know exactly what she is going through. Ffs I am the one catching all the behaviours and reporting them so the psych can address them to my fiance and ex wife. The thing with suffering from a eating disorder w...

Hi Lovelies, It's been awhile. Where to start? Well I put the weight back on from the fast of course. Back to 136 kgs and nothing much has changed. I have recently gotten intowater kefir and soon I will start with kombucha. Trying to fix my gut health. I got the new job which I love. Work with a great bunch of people. Plus I am getting paid more so yay. Other news is my 12 year old step-daughter has an ED. I'm not sure how long its been going on but she lost 3 kgs in a week. She only weighed like 50 kgs before anyways. Now she is active and already thin. She is into dance which is probably feeding the obsession.  We went out to dinner last night and when they put the plate in front of her, I saw the fear flash across her face. Long story short I am heartbroken for her. Sickingly I'm so triggered by it all. I'm aware of how fucked up that all is but I don't care and already working down my calories as we speak. So I went and tried on wedding dresses about...

Hi Lovelies, Day 7! Thank god only 3 days left to go. I am really struggling now. Only lost 200 grams since yesterday. Getting bummed about these small numbers. Still 4.3 kgs in a week is awesome. Day 6 was hard. Felt weak, exhausted and hungry. My brain was not there at all. Stuffed up so many phone calls lol. Other bizarre news, new people started at work yesterday and one is a friend for like 14 years that I lost touch with. It was so cool and it was like no time had passed at all. Well gotta go get ready. Love JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Day 6! Well I lost 1/2 kg so yay bit bigger number. So far 4.1 kgs. Does not look like I will be hitting my goal of 10 kgs in 10 days. As long as I can get under the 130's I will be moderately happy. Day 5 went alright nothing major to report. Job interview went fine I think, will have to wait until I hear back to know for sure. Well I have absolutely nothing exciting to say today just feeling flat and hungry. Love JB xoxo

Hi Lovelies, Day 5! Stupid body is resisting change. Last two days only lost 200 grams each day. Oh well at least it is going down. Eventually tmy body will stop being stubborn and the numbers should start falling. Day 4 went pretty well. Didn't feel too much hunger. Work was ok. Brain went awry at points and I forgot what I was saying. Got a headache later in the day that dissipayed eventually. Have a job interview this morning and need to leave in 4 mins so better go and chug my breakfast glass down. Love JB xoxo

Hi lovelies, Day 4! Only lost 200 grams but it was inevitably going to slow down for a day or two. Still 3.4 kgs in 3 days is awesome. Ok so update on day three. It was pretty good spent most of the day expelling the effwcts of the senna and salt water flush. Cooked the family a gorgeous meal. Sat at the table with them getting tortured all the while Im sipping on my master cleanse drink.  Folded what felt like ten loads of washing and went to bed. More nightmares all night so still detoxing. I have work today so will be interesting to see how night time goes whilst at work. Well check in tomorrow peeps. Love JB xoxo