Grin for Thin

Yay lost 700 grams. I have lost 1.2 kgs in 2 days and I have been eating between 600-800 calories a day wow. Huge day today heaps of cleaning then a guy friend is coming over to help me work on my computer that I am having hardware issues with then will probably game through the night yewwwwwww. Meanwhile I am tired and feeling totally unmotivated to all this lol. Well mum comes back tonight :( . God I hope she doesn't stay here for long. I want to be alone so I can do my thing. Am going to use protein shakes as a diversion that I am eating because she will fall for that and my nightly soups that way I can still liquid fast. If she raises any eyebrows I will eat rice cakes and salad. I should still be able to lose weight this way I hope. Anyways I am going to enjoy the last day of for sure fasting. JB xoxo

Restricting = instant happiness. I am not kidding when I eat I get depressed and when I starve myself I am happy lol yeah I am so normal :p notttttt. Well I lost 500 grams which is a lil over a pound I think. Well yesterday went well kept it to 745 calories. No bingeing yay. I love when I read on myfitnesspal "you are eating too few calories" :)  shuttup bitch I am doing good. Decided to change my blog design, needed something new and as I am poor and cant afford the shoes and jumpsuit I really really really want I will have to take comfort with changing my blogger lol. Well cannot think of much else to say right now. Hope everyone is having a good day. JB xoxo

Hi Girls, Sorry I have been absent, I lost willpower for awhile. I didn't gain as much back as I thought I would have phew! Seemed to get back to 102.4 kg quickly but maintained at that. That makes me more motivated to gett back under 100 kgs again as it is not that far which is good. Already hungry so will allow myself upto 800 calories today if needed. Going to snack on plain rice cakes (24 cals per serve) , my spicy creamy tomato soup (55 calories per serve) and maybe a pear (48 calories each) or an apple (50 calories each) plus my regular 3 coffees and lots of water. Found out a friend died of a drug overdose this week, it is so sad. I have cried alot for her since I found out, I had really barracked for her to kick the habit. I am not really sure how I can do this when my mum is here but I have to find a way. Would love any tips ladies. It is really hard to hide uneaten food and purge when I am in a 1 bedroom tiny unit with my mum staying here so what I eat I must keep down ...

Welcome to my 12th follower thankyou! Gah I think I caught my sons cold. Got no time for being sick dammit. Well somehow miraculous I managed to lose 200 grams, amazing considering the binge I had last night. Thank god for laxatives I say. Well I am determined to get myself back in control and stop bloody eating. Food does not solve anything. I think I was too restrictive yesterday which meant failure. After eating for a week to trying to not eat a bite was too much. Will increase calories today to 500 if I have to, to stave off another binge. Will be doing a combination of sleeping and housework oh and exercise later today. I will be thin one day dammit. So I have alot to do the next few days and unfortuantly food will be eaten as my mother will be back fuck fuckity fuck. My own fault for being weak these past few days, totally blew my window to drop some decent numbers on the scale. Oh well I go away on wednesday and come back friday and have solitude until monday so will go...

Ate again, zero willpower. I am a disgusting fat pig. JB

OK so I weighed in and yep gained back 2.5kgs bugger! Am not surprised though, actually thought it would have been more. Ok so got my game face back on. I gotta go hard and fast for the next few days. Next week is going to suck my mum will be back here and I am going to a wedding for a few days so I will have to eat as they have gone out of their way to cater some vegan food for me. Honestly cannot see me getting under 100kgs by then. To be honest I have lost my drive and I am really depressed atm. I miss intimacy, I miss having a boyfriend. I keep trying to remind myself that I need to lose weight for that to happen because no one is going to want me looking like this. I saw this girl on the bus the other day she was sooooooo thin. I put my glasses on so I could stare at her without her knowing lol felt like a stalker, but she was gorgeous you could even see her spine popping out. Biggest real life thinspo ever. So plans today are to spend the day swimming with my s...

OK so been out of control and hate myself even more then usual because of it. I have been eating healthy food but far too much of it. Am scared to see what the scales say tomorrow. I have a few days where I can be free to fast so that is a relief. I am going out tomorrow so that will keep me occupied. JB xoxo